She Can Heal Podcast

Ep. 32 - Why Can't I Stick to My Goals? (5 Reasons Why)

• Keila Aldea, LCSW • Season 2 • Episode 32

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 Ever feel like you're so close to reaching a goal, only to fall off track? You're not alone! In this episode, we're diving deep into the 5 most common ways we sabotage our own success. From sneaky mindset traps to everyday habits that derail us, we'll uncover the culprits behind inconsistent progress. I'll share personal stories and client examples of overcoming these challenges, and more importantly, I'll guide you through identifying your unique struggle with consistency. Get ready to ditch the self-sabotage and finally achieve those goals you've been dreaming of! 

In this episode we will cover:

  • 5 common obstacles most of us face when trying to stay consistent on our goals
    • External Factors & Life Circumstances
    • Planning & Strategy Issues
    • Habit Formation Challenges
    • Lack of Clarity & Poor Goal Setting
    • Motivation & Mindset Challenges

I also encourage you to use this episode to do some reflection on your own journey and identify which obstacles you connect with so you can be clear to begin to take action to re-commit to your goals. 



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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the she Can Heal podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am your host, kayla Eldia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have unhealed wounds, habits and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement and or new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually, because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place, because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated and equipped to truly thrive. Hello and welcome back to another episode on the she Can Heal podcast. I'm so happy that you're here with me today, because today's episode is going to be a continuation from last week's episode.

Speaker 1:

So if you listened to last week, I really talked about some ways that we can get back on track, kind of hit that reset button with our goals, our habits or whatever it is that we are working on for ourselves. But what I've realized is that another important area in this is really understanding what are the challenges. What is it that really stops most people from achieving their goals, or what helps people fall off when they are, you know, working on a specific goal or a specific part of their life? So I did some research and I found the top reasons why we tend to fall behind on our goals, because the truth is that we're going to struggle from time to time. I know this happens to me. I'm not immune to this right. From time to time we will fall off track and it is frustrating.

Speaker 1:

And if you listened to last week, you kind of listened to some of the ways that we can get back on track, but the truth is that it's important to really understand what are those common pitfalls that we tend to fall into when it comes to goal setting, when it comes to our health journey, when it comes to whatever journey it is that we're on and I talked about my own like falling behind and not being as consistent with my whole health and wellness journey, and how frustrating it was, and that kind of prompted me to talk about it, and so I thought let's talk about more about what are those common obstacles that we usually go through. That really stops us, because I think that it is a challenge that we need to kind of learn to overcome. But with everything, we have to really understand what is really underneath that. We don't just stop because we feel like it. It's usually something that really gets in our way right. It's an obstacle that we need to get through. We need to work through in order to be successful in whatever it is that we're to get through. We need to work through in order to be successful in whatever it is that we're doing in life, and this is true for anything, this is true for your habits. This is true for big goals that you're trying to achieve. It's good for being consistent in the life that you truly want. But if we're constantly falling off track, if we're constantly hitting the wall with our goals and our habits and our intentions, it's going to cause a lot of frustration. It's going to cause a lot of just negative emotions.

Speaker 1:

I'm sure you've been there, because I've been there plenty of times, so I wanted to talk about some really important areas. I have about five areas that I'm going to cover today, and so I thought that we can go through all of these and I try to identify them in order of what I've heard, with working with clients and even with myself, in kind of the order of importance. But this you know, I'm just going to go through five of them, and so I'm sure that if you can identify with any of them, I'm sure your importance is going to be different than mine, and you know a client that I'm working with, um, so I'm just going to go through five of them, so let's get into it, all right. So the first area that I found that is one of the biggest obstacles for us in falling off track with our goals and our journey is external factors and life circumstances. This is life, right, just life, and there's going to be different things that are going to come up in your life that is going to cause you to fall, to hit this roadblock with whatever it is that your goal or your intention is, and so number one would be stressful life events.

Speaker 1:

So unexpected life changes, like a job loss, a relationship issue, an illness, can totally disrupt your routine and make it difficult to stay focused on your goals, your motivation, your ability to just do like push through, what usually helps you to get um continue working on whatever it is that you're working on. I think about illness as one that's really important, because we are right now like I'm recording this in February we're right in the middle of cold season and if you are on any type of journey no matter if it's like you're working on going to school you're working on your health, you're working on a really big project. The minute you get sick, you have to pause, right? You're not going to be able to have the energy, you're not going to feel good enough and it is going to stop you from doing the energy. You're not going to feel good enough and it is going to stop you from doing the things that you are doing. Believe me, I know, back in November, I got the flu and I literally was down for like a week and it completely disrupted my routine. I wasn't able to do the things that I normally do, and that can be very stressful. So stressful life events are one of the most important thing because, again, we are doing this thing called life and things are going to come up.

Speaker 1:

The second part, in external factors is one that I can relate to the most, which is lack of time, is one that I can relate to the most, which is lack of time, right. So it's feeling overwhelmed with work, with family, with other commitments that can make it seem impossible to find time for goal-related activities. Okay, and lack of time really comes down to you specific. You specific like your specific life, right, where it's? Am I not having enough time or am I feeling really tired because I am feeling overwhelmed? I've got a lot on my plate right now, and that is number one, if you think about it, right, most people say I don't have time, like I just have too much things on my plate and so lack of time is a big one. Um, you know, if you think about like you're working, you come home, you're taking care of your kids um, you might have a second job, you might have other types of commitments. If you're on a specific goal journey, that's probably going to be a big one for you. I know it is for me and I constantly have to come back to my schedule. Right, I really have to assess, do like an assessment of my time what is taking up my time, and then recommit or kind of come back and say how can I make this happen, because this is really important to me.

Speaker 1:

Another one is lack of support. So not having a support system to encourage and to hold you accountable can make it easier to give up. That's a big one, depending on what it is that you. You know, whatever your family consists of, you know. So if you are a single parent, that's going to be really difficult for you to make time to dedicate to whatever it is that you're working on. You know, for a lot of moms and for a lot of women, you know it's those self-care tasks. I want to be good about taking care of myself, but when I don't have a lot of support and when I'm doing it all, it makes it very difficult to make time, make space to continue on this journey that I'm on. So lack of support is another big one.

Speaker 1:

And the last one is competing priorities, which is kind of goes a lot with time and support, which is sometimes there's other things in your life that are going to take priority, you know, and that's it's okay, right? And so the key with this is to really reassess and adjust your goals accordingly. Right, because the truth is that in life, we do have to prioritize our, our you know our tasks, our responsibilities, because the truth is that we can't do it all. I remember having a conversation with a client recently where she was just trying to do it all, and it was that conversation of really it's time to reassess, it's time to really look at what are your priorities, what are your responsibilities. And if you're trying to go back to school, you're not going to be able to go back to school and continue with taking on everything. You're going to have to put some things on hold, you're going to have to delegate some things, because you can't do it all. Believe me, even though we think we're super moms, you know, the truth is that we don't have these superpowers that we can do it all, and so that could be something else that really can get in the way of you reaching whatever goal it is that you're trying to achieve.

Speaker 1:

Area number two is another really important one, which is planning and strategy issues. I think this one goes a lot with time management or, like you know, lack of time, and it's really the planning part, right, it's the prepping and being prepared for doing the things that you need to do. So the first one is poor planning right. So not having a clear action plan or not breaking down your goal into smallable smallable, it's a smaller manageable steps can really lead to feeling overwhelmed and lost. So it's important to plan ahead and to make a plan for your goal. So let's just use my example I talked about it last week which was, you know, I noticed that I was not meeting my goal of going to the gym. You know three times a week that I and it's because of planning right, it's because I wasn't looking at my schedule and I wasn't being clear about when in my day I can fit this in my schedule, because if I don't plan for it right, even my drinking water right, I pulled out my 64 ounce bottle of water, and that is what has helped me to be planful, right, because if I don't do that, it's not going to get done. So really helping you to create an action plan and breaking your goal into those smaller steps is going to be helpful, but most of us, this is a downfall that we have, another one which I'm very big on this one which is a lack of tracking. So not monitoring your progress is going to make it really hard to see how far you've come, and it can really just diminish your motivation. We talked about this last week, which was about making a plan, really just celebrating your small wins, even even the really small ones. Like I have followed through with that, and now in my planner I actually have a section where I put wins, today's wins, and there I'm writing if I went to the gym, that's a win. If I went for a walk, that's a win. Um, if I, if I meal prep, that's a win. And so me being able to track that I'm going to see that it's going to make me feel good, it's going to motivate me to keep going, which it actually has. So tracking is really, really important. It's something that I do recommend to all of my clients when we're talking about different goals and journeys.

Speaker 1:

Another one is no flexibility. That's a big one, right, because life throws curve balls at you, as we talked about earlier. Right, with stressful events and different things that may happen illnesses, right. But not being able or willing right To adapt your plan when necessary can lead to you feeling really frustration and just saying this isn't working for me. And flexibility is super important. I always say you know what? Sometimes you have to come back to the plan and figure out what isn't working and just adjust it, adjust it. Maybe I put my workouts in the mornings and I've noticed like all week I didn't work out, and so maybe it might be. Let me be flexible with that. Maybe it's a afternoon workout, maybe it's this water bottle. It isn't working for me for whatever reason, like the one that I have has the times and I love that because it keeps me on track, right. So changing my water bottle maybe made a big difference. But the whole point is that you want to be able to be, you know, monitoring it and make adjustments as necessary, because if you don't have flexibility and you're only trying to do it one way, even though it doesn't work for you, you're going to burn out and it's not going to work. Right, you're going to lose motivation. So being flexible is really important.

Speaker 1:

And the last one in this section is ignoring roadblocks. Right, which is not anticipating potential challenges and developing strategies going to help you to overcome these can really derail your progress. Right, it's being realistic with yourself about things that are not working or things that are, you know, that can get in the way of your ability to reach or to continue to take on all those action steps, right. And so ignoring roadblocks can really be a detriment to your goal process, because if you can anticipate when something might be a problem, then you can work around it.

Speaker 1:

Or sometimes like, for instance I'll give you an example it was a client of mine who is trying to, you know, go back to school, but life is just really, really hard for her right now, with work with, you know, parenting. She's a single mom doing all these things, and what she noticed was that she had very limited mental capacity to do the work for her classes and her courses. Right, and it was, you know, talking about let's assess what your day looks like, let's assess your responsibilities and unfortunately, this was an example where she decided that the best thing for her was to put her classes, her coursework, on hold, because she knew that right now she has too many responsibilities that's taking up too much of her energy and it's causing her to feel really overwhelmed and she just doesn't have the energy, she doesn't have the mental capacity to then study and to take these tests and to do the work needed. She decided it was best for me to put that on hold, and I know that wasn't easy for her. It's not easy when you have to do that, but the truth is that you can't ignore that this isn't working for you. You have to be realistic with yourself so that you can be successful, because, even though it doesn't feel good to say you know what, right now, this is not the right time for me to go to school, right, but you can always remind yourself that it's for now, like right now is not the right time for me to go to school, right, but you can always remind yourself that it's for now. Like right now is not the right time, but it doesn't mean that it's never going to happen. It just means that I'm going to put it on hold, that I'm going to postpone it for a little while, but it's being realistic with yourself so that you're not burning out, so that you're not driving yourself crazy, and then you are then become self-critical because you're saying I'm failing, right. So it's really important to not ignore any challenges, not ignore, um, anything that may be coming up, or even, if something does come up, and maybe it's your ability to develop some different strategies to get through that Um. But sometimes that is the, sometimes that is the strategy. The strategy is just, I need to just postpone this for now, and that's okay, all right.

Speaker 1:

So number three is habit formation challenges. This is a hard one, because habits are really ingrained, and so when we're having to build new habits and break existing habits, that can be a challenge in itself. So not building habits is number one. Right, it's goals are often achieved through consistent habits, and so failing to establish these habits makes it harder to maintain momentum. Habits are really hard to form, and so I know this one is a really difficult one, because we get really stuck on our routines, we get stuck on in our ways, and so when we have to try something different, it can be really difficult, but we have to remember that in order to be successful in our health goals, right In our career goals, and whatever the goal it is that you're working on. We have to establish healthy habits, and so part of that process is going to be to like understand and identify what are the habits that need to work in order for this goal to be achieved.

Speaker 1:

For example, if your goal is to become, you know, to work out in the morning, maybe a habit that you're going to have to do is wake up earlier. Right, maybe you're used to waking up at 7 o'clock in the morning and then getting ready for work. But now you're saying I want to work out in the morning so that way I can be sure that I get my workout in and I don't have to worry about it later in the day, can be sure that I get my workout in and I don't have to worry about it later in the day. Then you might say a habit that I need to form is getting up an hour early so that I can get my workout in, and that's going to take some time, but it's also going to make you feel motivated, because if I am able to create these new habits so that I can be successful in my goals, it is going to help build momentum and it's going to help you to keep going.

Speaker 1:

But if you have a hard time of breaking existing habits, that's something else that can get in the way of your goals, right? So it's changing those ingrained behaviors. That is going to require your conscious effort and different strategies. Okay, and for us, sometimes it's again it's routine, right? The brain loves patterns, the brain loves consistency. It likes to do the same thing over and over and over.

Speaker 1:

So when you're trying to, when you identify that there is an existing habit that's getting in the way of my goals, it's important for us to then start to break those habits, which can be really difficult. But again, it's all about really understanding why you're doing it. Why am I waking up early? Why am I not bringing my phone into the room at night? Why am I not drinking the soda anymore and and you know swapping it for um seltzer water? Right, it's really understanding why I need to break this habit, why I need to establish this new habit, this new routine. It's because it's something that I need to do in order to be successful in this specific area of my life, because I want to make progress in this specific area of my life because I want to make progress.

Speaker 1:

So being stuck in your old habits and really having a difficult time in breaking those existing habits or not building new, healthy habits are going to really get in the way of your ability to stay on track with your goals. So this is an area where you would have to be real mindful about what is it that I need to, you know, start doing. What do I need to do differently? What do I need to stop doing? You know so. Again, if it's a health goal, it might be, you know, I have to start getting up earlier. Or it might be I need to start meal prepping, right. Maybe I need to, you know, have less time watching TV at night, and that's the time that I can use to, you know, start this self-care practice that I want to do. And so habit formation is another one that really gets in the way of us achieving our goals.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the next two are more mindset. Okay, so we've talked about time, we've talked about planning. We talk about habits. The next two are more about mindset. Okay, so we've talked about time, we've talked about planning, we talk about habits. The next two are more about mindset, and so lack of clarity and poor goal setting. So this one is all about the mindset work that we need to do, right.

Speaker 1:

So number one is having vague goals, such as getting shape. Right in shape. What does that mean? It's not specific enough. So get in shape is less motivating than run a 5K in three months. So unclear goals lack direction, make it difficult to measure your progress. So if your goal is not clear enough, like get in shape, what does that mean? Right? If you don't know specifically what that means, how are you going to be able to measure progress? How are you going to be able to set specific action steps? So it's really important for us to be very specific when it comes to our goals, such as, instead of saying, getting shape, maybe it's I want to lose 10 pounds in three months, right, okay.

Speaker 1:

Another one is unrealistic expectations, and it's remembering that setting goals that are too ambitious or too time constrained can lead to discouragement and burnout. So it's really important for us to be really realistic about what we can accomplish, what is doable for us, and not just do goals because everyone else is doing this goal right. So it's important to be realistic and really set goals that are not going to lead us to burnout or we're not going to be too overwhelmed. So it's really, really important to be realistic with the goals that you are setting, and the last part in this section I talked about last week, because it's one that I really am passionate about, is your lack of why. So, not being deeply connected to the reason behind the goal is going to make it easier to abandon it when things get tough.

Speaker 1:

A strong why is going to fuel your motivation, and it is really important for you to really understand why am I trying to achieve this goal? Right? What is this goal going to bring into my life? Right, because it has to be important. You have to be invested in this goal, but part of that is understanding what is the reason why. Right, if I want to lose weight, I can't just lose weight because I want to look good in a bathing suit. Right, it is saying what is it about losing weight that's going to really help me? Why is that so important to me? Right? So for many, it is being very specific about that and saying to yourself like I want to lose weight because I want to have more energy to play with my kids, I want to lose weight so that I can be stronger and I can, you know, lift heavier weights. Whatever that reason is for you, it has to be connected to that why so that you can feel invested in that goal. Because if that goal is really important to you, you are going to change your habits, you're going to make time for it, right, you're going to be flexible and try to make it work.

Speaker 1:

But the problem is that a lot of us are doing goals without really understanding the why. Like, why is this really important? They're just doing it because other people tell them that they should do this, or they're doing it for another reason that really is not connected with like that. It's not really important to them, okay, the last reason, or the last section that I'm going to talk about today, is motivation and mindset challenges, and this is a really big one. So we're going to talk about a couple different mindset challenges that gets in the way of us achieving our goals. The number one is procrastination, right, and that is putting things off consistently and that is going to make it hard to build momentum and to achieve goals. And so if we're constantly procrastinating on doing the things that we need to do for our goal, you are definitely going to slow down and you're going to give up, right? So it's really understanding that when I push things off, when I don't do the things that I need to do in order to reach my goal, you are not going to be motivated to keep going. Another one is fear of failure. So the fear of not succeeding can really paralyze people and it can prevent you from even trying. So that's another big one, because if you feel that I'm afraid to take these steps because I'm afraid it's not going to work out, you are going to be stuck and you're not going to move forward with your goals. So it's really important to really identify any of these barriers, because these barriers are really stopping you from showing up for yourself and achieving the things that you truly want in life.

Speaker 1:

Perfectionism, the all or nothing mentality, can also lead to giving up after a minor slip up. Ooh, perfectionism is a big one. I know I've gone through my own perfectionism phases. Right, things have to be a perfect way. Nope, this is not working out, because it's not working out the way that it's supposed to work. If it's not perfect, I'm not going to do it. And then people do give up. So perfectionism is another one Lack of self-discipline. This is a big one. I can raise my hand for this one, because self-discipline is so important, especially when you have to do things that you don't want to do, but you know you need to do them so that you can reach your goals right, and health and wellness is a big one in that one.

Speaker 1:

But relying solely on motivation is not sustainable, and so self-discipline helps you stick to your plan even when you don't feel like doing it right. So it's like me setting a plan to go to the gym on Wednesdays and Fridays and then, when Monday comes and I really don't want to go, but I still push myself to go because, again, I'm very clear about my why, and I'm I know that I have to build this habit. Right, my brain is trying to fight against it because it's saying we're doing something different and I don't like it. And so it's really important to build that self-discipline muscle, because that self-discipline muscle is going to beat out motivation. Right, I'm not motivated to go to the gym. Yeah, I'm not motivated to go to the gym, but I'm still going to go because I know that I want to be strong, I know that I want to be healthy, I know that I want to have more energy, and so I'm going to go. And you know what's going to happen I'm going to feel really great. I'm going to feel great because I, number one, followed through and did what I said I was going to do, and, number two, I'm going to feel good. Going to the gym is going to make me feel good.

Speaker 1:

So self-discipline is a muscle that we need to work on, and the last one is negative self-talk. I mean, I've talked about this on this podcast many times, but self-criticism and doubting yourself is going to undermine your confidence and it's going to make it harder to persevere and to push through. If you have a habit of talking down to yourself, of being critical to yourself, it is going to completely disrupt your confidence in achieving your goals. And you know what Confidence really, again, is just willing to try. And so if my goal is to achieve this goal, I'm going to try. Even if I think that this isn't the, it's not going to work out, even if I think I'm not doing it right, I'm still going to do it. And I need to be my own cheerleader, you know. Because if I am pushing myself, if I'm criticizing myself, if I'm being mean to myself how is that going to be helpful? Right, it's not. It's going to totally deter you from achieving and keep going on your goals. So we have to really get in the habit of noticing and really challenging that self-talk and do something like create some really helpful, positive messages that you can say to yourself, repeat them to yourself over and over, especially when your negative thoughts are coming up, and really go back to the why like why do I want to do this, why am I pushing through? And that's going to really determine if you keep going or not.

Speaker 1:

All right, so we've just went over five common reasons why we fall off track with our goals, but I want to remind you, awareness is always the first step to change. So by understanding these pitfalls, by understanding all these types of obstacles that we face, you can develop strategies to overcome them. Right, it's all about understanding and being fully aware. Being mindful is something that I constantly, constantly talk with my clients about, which is you have to be mindful, you have to be aware that there's a problem. Right, once you can identify that, you know what it's because I'm not being clear with my goals, or it's because I am not planning accordingly. Maybe it's because you know like there's a lot I have on my plate. You can then do what you need to do to correct right, to get back on track, and so it's really important to be mindful of what could be getting in your way. Um, so I just want to remind you what they are so that you can. What I want you to do with this is I want you to really listen to this and I really want you to identify which ones do you connect with right, which ones when I'm talking about them? Which ones did you say yes, yes, yes. I want you to really identify that so that you can work through those challenges and then do what we did last week, which is do that four-step process to recommit to your goals.

Speaker 1:

So number one is external factors in life circumstances, and that includes stressful life events, lack of time, lack of support and competing priorities. Number two was planning and strategy issues, so that includes poor planning, lack of tracking, no flexibility and ignoring our roadblocks. Number three is habit formation challenges, which means not building good habits and not breaking existing habits that are not working for you, that are not working for you. Number four was lack of clarity and poor goal setting, and that means having vague goals, unrealistic expectations and your lack of your why. And the last one is motivation and mindset challenges, procrastination, fear of failure, perfectionism, fear of failure, perfectionism, lack of self-discipline, negative self-talk, and I'm sure there's more, okay, and so I just want to remind you that it's all about being aware, noticing, so that you can make the corrections that you need, so that you can pivot, so that you can make some strategies and you can recommit to your goals in a way that's going to work for you.

Speaker 1:

So, once you've gone through the list, once you've identified them, you can then take action. Right, you have more power, because now you have this information and you can do something about it. Like, if I think about myself, it's definitely lack of time. Right, because when I'm feeling overwhelmed with doing all the things, I have no energy and I truly just want to not do anything at all. And poor planning is another one for me. Right, it's when I don't have an action plan, when I don't have specific steps that I'm going to take. Then I don't get it done, right, or I just push it off. Right, I procrastinate. So that's another one that comes up for me. Is true, is procrastination right? So I want you to do the same. I want you to go through the list, I want you to identify which ones do you connect with, which ones did you say yep, that rings true for me, and I want you to do something about it so that you can really get back on track with whatever that goal, that intention, that habit it is that you're trying to do.

Speaker 1:

Remember, just start small, create a solid plan, embrace your imperfections right, because this isn't about beating yourself up. This is about understanding, assessing understanding so that you can take charge of your process. Sometimes it's finding an accountability partner, someone that can help you through this process with you and, most importantly, remember what your why is. It's so important to really understand. Why am I doing this? What's the bigger picture here that I'm trying to achieve by achieving this goal? And remind yourself don't let these obstacles derail your dreams. Okay, that's all. They are obstacles and we can get over them, we can go around them, but first we need to understand what are they, so that we can really do what we need to do to get through.

Speaker 1:

All right, well, that was all for today's episode. I hope that this information was helpful to you and your goal setting process and your ability to reach your big goals. Because, listen, we all are going to fall. We're all going to stumble, but it's about not staying down. It's about getting up and keep going, because we're not going to fall. We're all going to stumble, but it's about not staying down. It's about getting up and keep going, because we're not going to quit on our goals. Okay Well, thank you so much for listening to this episode and I will talk to you guys next week. Take care. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women, just like you. Thanks for listening.