A podcast focused on helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually. She Can Heal will be your weekly dose of inspiration and practical tools designed to help women like you heal, flourish, and reclaim their power. Each week, I will be sharing weekly episodes on all things self-care, wellness, healing, mindset and mental health.
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Unlock the door to emotional healing with our latest episode focused on acceptance. This powerful concept, often misunderstood, is essential for moving forward and reclaiming your life. We delve into the misconceptions surrounding acceptance, showing that it doesn't mean giving up; instead, it is about actively acknowledging your reality. Learn how acceptance can liberate you from the harsh cycle of blame and regret that keeps many people stuck in their pain.
During the episode, we explore practical tools for cultivating acceptance, focusing on mindfulness and present awareness as powerful strategies. By learning to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we create space to engage with our experiences meaningfully. Discover how emotional regulation and finding trusted outlets can further enrich your journey toward acceptance.
We invite you to tune in for insightful discussions filled with personal stories and actionable advice, preparing you to embrace your healing path. Remember, acceptance is a journey requiring patience and self-compassion. We encourage you to reflect on your moments of resistance, explore how to shift your perspective, and take steps toward embracing the present. Join us in this essential conversation—your journey to emotional freedom starts here! Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review to help us reach more women just like you.
90-day Self-Growth Journal - A great companion you can use on your healing journey. For 90 days you will have daily prompts on the topics of self-love, self-care and gratitude. This journal is great for beginners, novice and anyone that wants to dive deeper into their true selves. https://amzn.to/4fk14sq
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Hello and welcome to the she Can Heal podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am your host, kayla Eldia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have unhealed wounds, habits and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement and or new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually, because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place, because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated and equipped to truly thrive. Hello and welcome back to another episode on the she Can Heal podcast. Thank you so much for hitting play and joining me for today's conversation. I hope that this episode finds you doing well.
Speaker 1:
I know that we are already starting a whole new month, which is pretty exciting, and I know that I am already starting a whole new month, which is pretty exciting, and I know that I am evaluating my goals, evaluating the things, just the progress that I've been making for myself, and I wanted to talk about the topic of acceptance. And the reason why I want to talk about acceptance is because I feel like this is an area that a lot of people struggle, because it is really difficult to move forward, it is really difficult for us to free ourselves from pain and suffering when we struggle with just acceptance. So acceptance is a really powerful healing tool that you can use and I want to go through it with you today. And the reason for that is because I think we can all really learn about acceptance, learn how to use it, learn how it can free us from our pain, our suffering, our past, and really help us move forward in healing our pain, know our pain, healing our wounds and things like that, and it's something that comes up in therapy over and over again, and I catch myself falling into that trap too. So, like, think about yourself, like have you ever found yourself replaying a painful memory, or wishing that things turned out differently, or blaming someone or sometimes it's yourself for a current situation? I think this is very common.
Speaker 1:
I see a lot of people who go through something really difficult or someone who is processing, you know, something that happened in the past. And this is a place where people get stuck in, which is that, instead of accepting what happened because it happened, right, it already has occurred we turn into blaming, like it's someone else's fault, or you blame yourself, like you know, why did I do this? I should have never done this, and, honestly, it's something that really keeps you stuck in your pain and suffering. Done this, and, honestly, it's something that really keeps you stuck in your pain and suffering. And if you can find yourself in that situation, which I'm sure many people do, I can attest to that You're not alone. Okay, but what if I told you that the key to unlocking the freedom from the pain lies in just the act of acceptance. Okay, so that's what we're going to explore today. Okay, so I want to start with defining acceptance, because acceptance can be misunderstood. Okay, so, what exactly is acceptance? And I think this is key, because a lot of times when I do talk about this with clients, it is the whole idea of like, why. Accepting it means that I am accepting their behavior, that I am accepting the situation, and there's a lot of confusion with the resignation, with the giving up. But true acceptance is far from passive. It's this active acknowledgement of reality as it is, without judgment. It says this is what happened or this is how I feel, without adding the layers of the should haves and the what ifs. It's not about condoning harmful behavior or pretending everything is okay. It's all about recognizing that the present moment happened and you can choose how to respond going forward.
Speaker 1:
So many times we confuse acceptance with condoning and being okay. Right? So when you accept something, you're not condoning it, you're not being okay with it. You are literally just accepting it because it happened, that's it. You're not being okay with it, you are literally just accepting it because it happened, that's it. Just because it happened, it has nothing to do with being okay with it. I mean, a lot of times it's situations that we're not okay with. Right, it's someone that treated us a certain way or something that happened in our lives that we're not okay with. And acceptance really just says that I am going to accept it because it happened, that's it, that's it. We're not going to add all these other what, if, but, but, why, but this? But that it's literally just accepting it because it happened, because the truth is that you can't go back and change it. Right, it already happened, even if it was something that you are not okay with, even if it's something that someone did to you that you're upset about. Right, it's accepting that it happened, that's it okay.
Speaker 1:
And the truth is that when we resist reality, we create a battle within ourselves. Right, we're essentially fighting against what is, which is, honestly, it's a losing battle. Right, imagine trying to hold back a wave with your bare hands. Right, it's exhausting, it's ultimately impossible. Right, that's what not acceptance does to us. It really fuels anxiety, it fuels resentment and this whole sense of powerlessness. Right, you feel powerless when you're trying to fight against something that already happened. Right, we get stuck in the loop of why me, if only. And that loop keeps us trapped in our suffering.
Speaker 1:
Right, it's like it's her fault. If only she would have never done this. Um, you know, if only she would, you know, treat me better. Um, I can think of an example would be, um, a young client who was in a breakup. So his girlfriend broke up with him. He was completely shattered and it was constant reminding him about getting to a place of acceptance because he, in his mind, he was trying to rationalize like if only she would have done this, or maybe if I do this, maybe if I talk to her, maybe if I remind her, maybe if I do this, or maybe if I do that, and the truth was that that wasn't going to help what already happened. Right, she broke up with you and I can see that you're very upset about it. It is devastating for you, but also it happens and you have to get into a place of accepting that somehow something happened where she felt the relationship was not good for her and decided to end it.
Speaker 1:
And I think that's the hard part. The hard part is the why. But why did this happen? I need answers. I need her to talk to me, I need to understand it, and the truth is that that's not always possible. People, you're not always going to get the answers to why things happened. And if we get stuck also and I'm trying to understand the why, why, why, if only, if only that's where you get trapped into that cycle of just being in, you know, immense pain, and so it's reminding yourself that not accepting the situation because it happened, it keeps you stuck, it keeps you stuck in your pain, it keeps you stuck in your suffering, and so trying to resist reality is not the way to go. Okay, and I understand it probably takes people time to get to that place, because when you're in a lot of pain and suffering, it's hard to be able to rationally, like think about the situation in a way where I can say this bad thing happened to me and I accept that it happened because we're so much in pain, and so it's understandable that that isn't always an easy process, but it is a process that you want to get to if you want to feel yourself free from just feeling the pain.
Speaker 1:
So let's talk about blame, because blame is something that I've seen come up a lot in clients and in individuals in general. Right and blame is like a sneaky little devil. Right, it offers a temporary sense of relief because it shifts responsibility away from us. Right, it almost like takes this weight off of you. Right, if I say it's her fault, then I can feel better about it. Right, we can point the finger and we can say it's your fault, I'm unhappy. Or if only you haven't. You know she didn't do this to me. But here's the problem Blame is going to keep you in a victim mindset.
Speaker 1:
It's going to rob you of your agency, it's going to prevent you from taking responsibility for your own healing, because when we're busy blaming, we're not focusing on solutions, we're not focusing on growth, we're stuck in the past and we're replaying the same narrative over and over and over. For example, the client that I just spoke about right, if he continued to stay in the place of blaming his girlfriend, blaming that she didn't really love him, that it's her fault that this happened, he was going to stay in this place of pain and suffering. He was there for a very, very long time and he just wasn't in the place to really think about acceptance. But the blame game is it's a trap. It's a trap that keeps you in your pain and suffering. And so, yes, in the, in the, in the moment, it feels good, right, because it's that like relief that you get off of you. But it does not bring you anything good, it does not bring you any peace, it does not bring you any relief. It really is a trap.
Speaker 1:
Okay, now let's talk about wishful thinking, because that's another one. Right, if only I had taken the other job. Or if only I hadn't said that thing. Right, these what ifs? They create an illusion of control, because we think that by dwelling on these alternative realities, we can somehow change the past. But the past is unchangeable, right? What happened already happened.
Speaker 1:
No matter what you say, no matter how you put it, the past is never going to change because it already happened. Right? So wishful thinking is going to keep you living in a fantasy. Right, it's preventing you from engaging with the present moment, and it leads to disappointment, it leads to frustration because reality doesn't align with our fantasies. Right, and the truth is that it keeps you feeling very stressed. It keeps you feeling in that place of intense pain because you start ruminating on the what ifs.
Speaker 1:
Right, if only? I know this has happened to me before in painful situations. Right, if only I would have done X, if only I would have done Y, this would have never happened. But here's the problem it already did happen. So by you saying if only I would have done this or that doesn't change the fact that it happened. You can't change the past. We don't have control of anything but our present moment, and so staying in this place of wishful thinking is not going to help you Again. It's going to keep you stuck right Because you're going to constantly ruminate on the what ifs.
Speaker 1:
If only I would have done this. And even me talking about it, I can feel tightness in my body, right, because that's what it does. It brings a lot of tension, it brings a lot of pain, right, and that's what it does. It brings a lot of tension, it brings a lot of pain, right. And it's probably my subconscious thinking about situations that have been really hurtful for me, and I remember putting myself in that position of like I have a fault in it. If only I would have done this or that, or if I would have never opened the door. If I would have never, you know, took this step, this bad thing would have happened. And the truth is, that does not help you. It doesn't. It keeps you stuck there.
Speaker 1:
Um, that is the important, um, it's like important to understand that that you know, any time that you're trying to resist reality, any time that you're pushing away what already happened, keeps you stuck in the pain, right, and so it's blaming. It's the what, if, the should of the. You know, like, if only I would have done this or that. All that does is keep you stuck there because you're not going to feel good about it. Right, think about it. If you've been in a situation like this and you get stuck in that whole if only I would have done this, or I'm in this situation because of that person how does it make you feel? Right? I'm sure that it does not make you feel good. It keeps you stressed, it keeps you angry, it keeps you sad, it keeps you in all those low, negative emotions, which keeps you feeling stuck in your pain, right, keeps you stuck in the past, you know, and so it's.
Speaker 1:
The important part is just reminding ourselves that acceptance really has nothing to do with you know what happened, right? It is just accepting that it did happen, right, it is accepting that the past already happened, right, the situation happened, the person said what they said. You can't change that, no matter if you go into the blame game, no matter if you go into the what ifs, the should ofs, it's not going to change what already happened. And so that's the power of acceptance, because really it's about reclaiming your power. It's really saying that it happened, right, it already happened and I cannot change the past.
Speaker 1:
So let's talk about how does acceptance liberate you, right? How does it liberate us from holding on to this resentment, this pain, this suffering, right? And the truth is that when we accept what is, we free up mental and emotional energy. Think about it. How tiring, how exhausting is it when you're constantly stuck in the thoughts of what ifs right and the thoughts of I should have done this, I should have done that right, and all the blaming and all of the trap that we put ourselves in. Right, it is exhausting, it is heavy, and so when we are able to just accept what is right, not condoning it, not being okay with it, we can even wish, like I wish it didn't happen, right? But acceptance is just saying it did happen, it did happen. And so getting yourself to a place of acceptance is going to give you so much mental and emotional release. We stop wasting time and effort on fighting the inevitable right. We can focus more on what we can control, and most of the time, it's our response to the situation. Right.
Speaker 1:
Acceptance really allows us to think more clearly, to make wiser choices and to move forward with greater resilience. Again, it's not about liking what happened. It's about acknowledging that it did happen and then taking the next step right, and that's going to help you to do whatever it is you need to do to work through what happened. That allows for grieving, it allows for processing, so that you can start to move forward from the situation and not stay stuck in there. And, like I said, I know that this is not easy, especially when it's been really hurtful, harmful, traumatic things that we've experienced. It's not easy but, honestly, this is the way out of suffering. This is a doorway that you're going to walk through so that you can start moving forward. You can start the healing process and start to do what you need to do to get through it. So let's talk about a couple ways that can help you to get to a place of acceptance.
Speaker 1:
The number one way that I always suggest is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness plays a crucial role in cultivating acceptance by fostering a shift in how we relate to our experiences. This is how it works right. Number one is having nonjudgmental observation. I always tell my clients it is all about self-awareness, it is about being aware of what you are experiencing. So mindfulness encourages us to observe our thoughts, our feelings, our sensations without judging them. Instead of labeling them as good or bad, we're simply acknowledging their presence. This nonjudgmental awareness is going to create space between us and our experiences and it allows us to see them more clearly, without getting caught up in the emotional reactions. And this is important for acceptance, because so often our lack of acceptance is based on judging situation as bad.
Speaker 1:
One of the things I usually say to my clients is that we are going to start being aware and we're going to start just noticing. So if you're noticing that you're having the maybe you're noticing that you're feeling really mad, it's really saying to yourself I'm noticing that I'm feeling mad right now, or I'm noticing that I'm having this thoughts right. So it's really being mindful and being aware of what you're thinking, what you're feeling and also it really like separates yourself from those feelings and thoughts. It's not saying I am mad. It's saying I'm noticing that I'm feeling upset because I'm thinking about this, I'm noticing that as I'm looking at this picture I'm having these thoughts, and so it's just noticing. Just having like observation of your thoughts and your feelings is crucial, and it's something that I always, always, always encourage my clients to do.
Speaker 1:
The second way is present moment awareness. Mindfulness emphasizes focusing on the present moment by bringing your attention to what is happening right now, and it reduces the tendency to dwell on the past or worry about the future. And acceptance is inherently about acknowledging what is, and what is is always in the present moment. So by grounding yourself in the present, you could be more readily accept reality of your current situation. So it's acknowledging what is right now. It's moving away from what was or what isn't. So acknowledging what's happening in this present moment is kind of grounding yourself to the now, or noticing that something is happening in this present moment and we're just going to acknowledge that it happened because we need to be here.
Speaker 1:
Being in the past, even going into the future, is not going to serve you in any way, because number one is those are places that are out of your control. You cannot control what already happened and you can try to control the future. But the future is definitely not something you have control over, because even when you prepare and you, you know, set things up, things can always change, and so present moment awareness is another really important part of acceptance of what is Okay. So another way that mindfulness can help you with self-acceptance is emotional regulation, and so mindfulness helps us to regulate our emotions by teaching us to observe them without reacting impulsively. We learn to ride the waves of our emotions, allowing them to arrive and to pass without getting swept away.
Speaker 1:
So the bottom line with mindfulness is that it is a very important tool when we're talking about inviting acceptance and getting to a place of acceptance, because it really helps you to be present with what is.
Speaker 1:
It helps you to be mindful of your thoughts, it helps you to be mindful of what you're feeling, it helps you to be thoughtful of what you're feeling, it helps you to be thoughtful of how you are responding in that moment, and that can help you to take a pause and to remind yourself that in this moment, I am not accepting what happened, and I'm noticing that it's making me feel mad, upset, frustrated, sad, and it's causing me to react in this way, and it gives you more power over yourself, because now you are mindful, right, you are aware of what you need to do in order to step out of that place of pain and suffering, okay, so let's move on to another tool that you can use when you're trying to cultivate acceptance, and that is focusing on what you can control. That's a big one, right? And focusing on what you can control is a powerful tool in cultivating acceptance, because it helps you to clarify where your energy is best spent and it helps you to reduce feelings of helplessness that prevents us from acceptance, okay, of helplessness that prevents us from acceptance, okay. So a core aspect of this approach is to clearly differentiate between what you can influence and what you can't. This is going to create a sense of clarity, because many times, our suffering stems from trying to control things that are really beyond our reach, such as other people's actions, past events or certain situations. So, when you're able to recognize these limitations, we can begin to let go of the struggle to control them. This is a big one.
Speaker 1:
One of the things that I usually help clients understand is let's talk about is that thing that you're focused on? Is it really within your control, and it's really understanding that we can't control anyone but ourselves. We can't control how other people respond to us. We can't control how they talk to us, we can't control how they treat us, what they do. We cannot even control people letting us down, because it's going to happen. So recognizing that these things are out of my control can be really helpful, so that you can then say this is not something that I have control over and I'm going to let it go. This also helps you to shift your energy from putting so much energy into the things that you can't control.
Speaker 1:
Right, we'd get so obsessed. We get so, like, focused on trying to convince someone that they're wrong or that, to see it our way, or like my client who's he wanted to so badly convince his girlfriend that she made the wrong choice, that he wanted to convince her that their relationship was real, that he did love her, and it was really helping him to understand that you can't control her. No matter what you say, no matter how much you try, if she does not want to be in a relationship with you, she is not going to. And if you try to convince her, all you're doing is focusing all this energy on something that really is out of your control, versus if I can then acknowledge that the energy that I'm putting into trying to do something that really has more to do with other people than myself. It's reminding myself what do I need this energy in, and most of the time it's back to yourself. Right, it's helping you to do the things that you need to in order to get through the situation.
Speaker 1:
Right, with a level of that acceptance, versus, if I can, I just want to talk to her, I'm going to convince her, or I'm going to just like let them know that what they're doing is wrong. Right, that doesn't work, it doesn't happen, it just just. It just like puts you in this place of exhaustion. Right, it's like holding on. Right, it's like holding on. I'm gonna hold on really, really tight, but the truth is that you're hurting yourself more by holding on, holding on to that resentment, holding on to that anger, because you really want that other person to see that what they did was wrong, that what you need to do for yourself is right, and the truth is that that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:
What matters is you focusing on yourself and pouring that energy and that time into you so that you can do what you need. You know, sometimes that is maybe you need to set boundaries, maybe you need to give yourself some space. Maybe you need to work on some self-care practices to really help you. Maybe you need to give yourself some space. Maybe you need to work on some self-care practices to really help you. Maybe you need to work on self-compassion and help yourself through that. Give yourself those words of encouragement, of those compassion, so that you can feel less and less and less anxious, upset and frustrated about what happened. So this is a big area, for a lot of people is really focusing on what you can control versus what is out of your control.
Speaker 1:
And the last tip that I'm going to share about acceptance is find an outlet, find a way for you to process and to release all these thoughts and emotions that you're feeling. Sometimes that's journaling, like I usually will tell clients journal exactly what you want to tell this person. Say it, don't hold back, just put it all on this journal page and then rip it and throw it away, because the whole goal is not for you to share this with them, right? This is so you can release it from yourself and for you to process whatever it is that you're holding on to. Sometimes it is verbally processing this with someone you know. Sometimes it's you know if you have a therapist, or maybe it's your time to seek you know therapy so that you can work through some of these thoughts and deep-rooted issues that you've been holding on to. Sometimes it's just talking to a trusted friend, someone that you know gives you the space to truly share, without judgment, without them trying to solve it for you, just someone that you can truly process these things with and that they can give you some honest feedback to help you to work through whatever it is that you're working through, so that you can get you some honest feedback to help you to work through whatever it is that you're working through, so that you can get to a level of accepting what happened and also taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so that's all for today's episode. I just want to remind you that acceptance is a journey, not a destination. It's a practice that requires patience and self-compassion. So this week I encourage you to notice when you're resisting reality, when you find yourself blaming or dwelling of what-ifs, and just gently bring yourself back to the present and really ask yourself what can I accept right now and what can I do about it Because, remember, acceptance is not about giving up. It's not about accepting or condoning what happened. It is about reclaiming your power.
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode, and I will talk to you again next week, take care. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review. Wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.
