She Can Heal Podcast

Ep. 35 - The Power of Self-Care: Building True Resilience

• Keila Aldea, LCSW • Season 2 • Episode 35

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Self-care has gotten a bad reputation. When most people hear "self-care," they immediately think of bubble baths and spa days—nice indulgences that feel good momentarily but don't address the deeper needs we all have. The truth? Real self-care goes far beyond pampering.

This episode dives into the authentic meaning of self-care and how it serves as the cornerstone of resilience. Rather than treating self-care as an occasional luxury when you're already burned out, I invite you to see it as a holistic approach that nurtures your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being on a daily basis. These consistent, intentional practices are what truly help us navigate life's challenges and bounce back from adversity stronger than before.

We explore common misconceptions through an enlightening self-care quiz that reveals just how misunderstood this concept is. Is self-care selfish? Is it only for those with money and time to spare? Does it only matter when you're stressed? The answers might surprise you. I share personal experiences, including how anxiety during the pandemic forced me to revolutionize my approach to caring for myself, demonstrating that sometimes our greatest challenges become catalysts for profound change.

Whether you're just beginning to prioritize yourself or looking to deepen your existing self-care practices, this episode offers valuable insights and practical wisdom. Remember, you deserve to feel good in your body, mind, and spirit. This conversation is just the beginning—in the coming weeks, we'll continue exploring specific aspects of self-care and develop a simple, practical plan you can incorporate into your daily life. Because when you truly care for yourself, you build the resilience to handle whatever life throws your way.

90-day Self-Growth Journal - A great companion you can use on your healing journey. For 90 days you will have daily prompts on the topics of self-love, self-care and gratitude.  This journal is great for beginners, novice and anyone that wants to dive deeper into their true selves.   https://amzn.to/4fk14sq

Ready to nurture your mind, body, and spirit? Get our FREE Self-Care Challenge

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Keila:

Hello and welcome to the she Can Heal podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am your host, kayla Eldia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have unhealed wounds, habits and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement and or new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically and spiritually, because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place, because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated and equipped to truly thrive. Hello and welcome back to another episode on the she Can Heal podcast. I'm so happy that you're here with me this week for this episode, but before we get into it, I do want to just pause and say thank you so much for hitting play, thank you so much for being here and listening to the podcast. It truly does mean a lot to me, because I started this podcast specifically for you, to really inspire you, to really help you, encourage you to truly take care of yourself, to do the things that you need to truly thrive in this world, because we have the power. We have the power ourselves to do the things, to engage in the habits that really are going to create a life that is full of health and energy and happiness and joy and other things that are going to make us just feel good every single day.

Keila:

I know as a woman, as a busy woman, that sometimes it's hard. It's hard to do all the things that we need to do, but I know one thing for sure is that how we take care of ourselves. The choices and the habits that we do every single day do make a huge impact on our life and how we feel and how we can truly do all the things that we need to do as simple as waking up in the morning, having energy to do all the things we do, prioritizing time in our day to even do the small things like sit down and have a meal, make sure we're getting enough water, make sure we are um resting, and even like engaging in all the um the parts of life that's worth living right, spending time with people we love, um doing things we truly enjoy and all of that does make a huge difference in our lives, and so I just wanted to um you know again. Thank you for being here and just reminding you that this is my purpose. This is why I do this. I enjoy talking to you every single week, because that truly is what inspires me. That is what truly lights me up is being able to reach as many women as I can, one-on-one with clients. It's something that I'm truly passionate about. I just love helping women to really just know that it is possible and it really is up to us.

Keila:

I know that recently I had a client that just had a baby, and our session really was just helping her and reminding her that it's okay to ask for help, it's necessary to ask for help because we can't do it all, and her response was just thank you for reminding me, and we all need that. Personally, I can tell you that, although this is what I do every single day, sometimes I forget, sometimes, like I'm not perfect. Um, I am in therapy myself and recently my own therapist had to remind me that, you know, it's important for me to really prioritize the things that I want to do and not try to overwork myself, because that doesn't really help me. And it was this moment where I just had to pause and tell her oh, my gosh, right, you are telling me what I usually tell my clients, and it's a reminder that each of us need those reminders from time to time, no matter who you are and what you do. You need those reminders of hey, you need to slow it down or hey, it's okay to rest, it's okay to um. You know, put one thing down for now, because it is not worth you getting all overworked and overwhelmed and burnt out just to what right For work, right To um, do all these extra things that you know we don't need to be doing every single day. It's like the quote said right, you can't do everything at once. Right, we can do it all. We just can't do it at once, and sometimes you need to put things down, sometimes things need to take a pause.

Keila:

But the truth is that it is all about the habits that we do every single day that truly, truly make a difference in our lives, and I've been really talking about that in the last couple of weeks. I know last week, if you listened, I was really talking about, you know, the habits that you do today. Right, starting at any point in your life is going to help your future self, because, even if you're 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old, if you can make the decision to say, listen, I am going to really be mindful and intentional about how I live my life, meaning I'm going to be really mindful of the foods that I put into my body. I'm going to be mindful that I'm actually moving my body Maybe it's I'm getting enough steps every single day. Or I am really being mindful of getting to the gym and doing some weight training, because I know that's going to help me, and I think that that's really, really important, and I think this is why we're here, and today's conversation is going to be just that.

Keila:

It's going to be a conversation about just self-care and what it truly is, because I think that self-care is something that is very it gets a bad rap. It gets a bad rap because when you think of self-care, I think it's just historically, self-care is seen as just pampering. It's seen as, like all these extra things that you can do to feel you know good. But the truth is that self-care is so much more than just that. Self-care is so much more than doing those extra pampering things right. And today I want to really dive into the true meaning of self-care and also how it serves as the cornerstone to resilience. Right, resilience is what helps us to get through the hard moments, and I really want to explore with you how genuine self-care right it really transcends those surface level pampering and it's truly the most powerful tool that we can navigate throughout our lives. I know it's something that I'm passionate about it, because I know that this is what has helped me when I have gone through the most difficult times in my life, which is really, really going back down to those fundamental self-care habits that are going to help us to become resilient and strong so that, when the bad times do come, we can get through them because we have invested in ourselves.

Keila:

So think about it for yourself, right? Have you ever felt like you're constantly putting out fires, you're constantly feeling depleted, you're constantly like dragging through the day? I know that I've had my moments like that and before I started really becoming more intentional with just my growth and my personal development. I don't know how I ever did it. Sometimes I think to myself how did I live my life that way where I didn't have routines, where I wasn't intentional about what I was eating, I wasn't intentional about rest and all those types of things? And the truth is that many times through our lives, sometimes we're stuck in that survival mode where it's just trying to do the best that we can to get through each day and I think that it doesn't click until something happens.

Keila:

I know for me it was more about, like my anxiety. During a time where I was going for my social work license exam and I remember during, you know, the pandemic as well I started having really bad anxiety and I had I guess it was, you know, like little mini panic attacks that I thought something was wrong with my heart. I called my doctor and she told me to go to the ER and they did all kinds of tests to test my heart and make sure that it wasn't nothing wrong with it. And the truth was that it was my anxiety. Right, my anxiety was causing me to feel a lot of so much panic and tension that it felt like there was something wrong with my heart and I got really scared. That was an eye-opening time in my life where I really had to say something needs to change. I need to do things differently, because this is not okay. It's not okay for me to feel this way. And now that I know that it's anxiety related and it's not that there's something medically wrong with me, then I know that I need to definitely make some changes.

Keila:

And that's when self-care became a very, very fundamental part of my everyday life. Right, that's where I started to learn how to meditate every single morning, and it was hard. I wanted to give up so many times and I decided that, no, I am going to learn how to meditate, I'm going to learn how to just sit with myself so that I can feel better because I don't want to have this panic anymore, I don't want to have this debilitating anxiety anymore. And that's when it really really just started for me, when I started realizing I need to take control of this, because it's not okay for me to feel this way, and that's where self-care became a really important part in my life. But if that's where you are, then it's time to really take an inventory of your life and make the decision to say I want to feel better, I want to do better and I need to really take better care of myself so that I can feel good, because it's only going to help everybody in my life, in all different parts of my life. So the first thing I wanted to do was really talk about the misconceptions of self-care Because, like I said, when you think about self-care, the first thing comes is just the pampering right.

Keila:

It's all the massages, the getting manicures, getting pedicures done, and the truth is that it's so much more deeper than that right. Pampering is great. I'm not going to say that it's not good. Listen. I strive to also do those types of activities with myself, right? The first time I went for a massage, it was amazing, right? And I say to myself every quarter or so, I want to have a nice massage, which is great. Or I never used to go for pedicures. Now, every time I go on vacation, I go and I get these pedicures done and it feels great, right, I've gotten manicures done, it feels great. Getting my hair done, it feels great. All of those things are important. They truly are, but it's only a little little part of the puzzle, right, because true self-care is about nurturing your whole self, right, not just your external appearance. Right, it's not just about how I look on the outside and getting my hair done and getting the massages and doing those kinds of things.

Keila:

Right, really, really, it is so much deeper than that, because it is about caring, right, self-care, caring for yourself, right, and I like to look at it as a holistic approach. It is looking at yourself and taking care of yourself and really being intentional about all the habits on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. Right, it's really looking at all the different parts of what makes us us. Right, because temporary pampering, like I said, it feels good. Those activities are nice, right, and if you can do them for yourself, that's great. But they don't address the root causes of our stress? Right, they don't build our ability to handle future stressors. And that's what true self-care is is really helping yourself on all the levels of yourself so that you can feel strong, so that you can feel resilient for the times in our lives where it just gets really, really difficult. Right, because those are the habits that are fundamental. Okay, and so, again, it's using a holistic approach. Right, it's that real self-care encompasses all those parts of ourselves. Right, it's that physical part of us. Right, that emotional and spiritual, because that is who we are. Right, no-transcript, that is a huge one.

Keila:

Engaging in activities that bring you genuine joy and fulfillment right, it's taking the time to, you know. Go for walks, go for hikes, you know. Go to the beach and relax, take moments to read or to do puzzles or whatever it is that brings you joy and relaxation. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion right, that is really addressing not only your physical self but your emotions and your spiritual self, because you're in the present moment and you're truly focused on what do I need to feel whole and complete? It's addressing and processing difficult emotions. It is seeking professional help when you need it. It is nourishing your body with healthy foods and adequate rest. It is giving yourself moments where you are physically active, because it does so many great benefits for yourself, right? So it encompasses so much more than that. I also think about it is meal planning. It is making time to plan meals that are going to be healthy for you, instead of just running around and eating out because you don't have anything prepared.

Keila:

It is so important that we really address all of these different areas, because these are the areas that are going to make you feel just good, right, good in our bodies, we're going to feel good in our hearts. Right, our minds are going to be better, and this is all what we talk about in building resilience, and that's one thing that I like to focus on right, which is self-care, is the foundation for resilience, right, and really understanding what do I mean by resilience. Okay, so let's start by defining what resilience is, and resilience is the strength to withstand and bounce back from a given situation. It enables one to wisely use available resources to not just survive but to thrive. Resilience is what gives people the psychological strength to cope with stress and hardship. It is the mental reservoir of strength that people are able to call on in times of need to carry them through without falling apart. Resilience does not eliminate stress or erase life's difficulties, but what it does is it gives people the strength to tackle problems head on, overcome adversity and move on with their lives. So, in other words, resilience isn't about avoiding any challenges, but it's learning how to bounce back from them stronger, and self-care is the fuel that powers our resilience. I truly believe that right.

Keila:

Building emotional resilience is another big, important part of utilizing our self-care habits, and it is learning to identify and process your emotions without judgment. It's learning how to develop healthy coping mechanism for stress and anxiety. It is cultivating self-compassion and reducing self-criticism right, so it's really taking care of yourself emotionally. One of the things I do encourage my clients is to validate their feelings. It's to notice that they're feeling a certain way, notice that they're feeling upset, stressed, burnt out, and really just validate that for themselves, because many times what we do is I shouldn't feel this way, I shouldn't be mad about this, I try not to cry, and the truth is that's not taking care of yourself, because if you're feeling upset, sad, anxious, whatever it is, it's important for us to really acknowledge and validate I am feeling upset right now and helping yourself right, without judgment. That's where the self-compassion piece comes in, because that's going to help you when you're experiencing the stress and the anxiety and the depression. It's really just acknowledging and accepting this is what I'm feeling, so that you can then feel good and able to kind of process those emotions well.

Keila:

Also, building mental resilience is really important, and that's about challenging those negative thought patterns. It's cultivating a positive mindset. It's engaging in activities that stimulates your mind. It promotes cognitive flexibility. It's about setting realistic goals and celebrating those fall wins. This is very, very important because this is the part of our personal growth, right, and so if we're able to build that mental resilience, we are going to increase our ability to get through really difficult times. Acknowledge that something didn't work out and you're going to be flexible with yourself about it. And you might say I just need to pivot, I need to try something else.

Keila:

Also, building that physical resilience, which is absolutely essential, right, which is prioritizing sleep, nutrition, exercise, so that you can strengthen your body's ability to handle stress. Right, because if you think about it, when you don't get enough sleep, when you're not eating well, right, eating those whole foods and protein and fiber and all the things that your body needs and also you don't really use any type of exercise, any type of movement, your body is not going to be as resilient, as strong to get through an illness. Most of the time when you are not prioritizing sleep or when you're not sleeping enough, you're not eating well enough, your immune system is compromised and that's when people see themselves getting sick more, because they are not building those strong habits to help their bodies to be resilient right To really get through those moments. People that take care of their health and their sleep and what they put in their bodies, their bodies, are so much more able to handle things and they don't get sick as much. And if they do get sick, they bounce back from it much easier than someone who isn't, who isn't, who's living an unhealthy lifestyle.

Keila:

The other thing is listening to your body signals and resting when you need. It is super important and this is something that I know on this podcast. I have stressed over and over and over again and I do with my clients which is the importance of letting your body well, listen to your body and if you're feeling overwhelmed, tired, fatigued, that you really help yourself to say my body is sending me the signal that I'm overwhelmed, that I need to slow it down and then giving yourself that time to do so. And so what we're saying is that self-care is essentially the foundation for building resilience. It's like tending to a garden with proper care, it can withstand storms and flourish. So by prioritizing your physical, your mental and your emotional health, you're building a strong foundation for resilience. So it's not about perfection, but about being consistent and making putting in the effort to create a healthier and a happier you. In essence, self-care is truly an investment in your overall well-being.

Keila:

All right, so this is what we're going to do. Next, what we're going to do is I'm going to do like a little self-care quiz with you. This is definitely something I do in my self-care workshop, and this has really shown me how much we really don't understand what self-care truly is, because many times I've done this with older middle-aged women and we all are have different misconceptions about self-care. So we're going to do this quick little quiz. I'm going to give you a couple of seconds for you to answer it and at the end, I want you to like think to yourself how did you do? I would love for you to share this with me. So, if you do, listen to this and do the quiz, definitely send me a DM on Instagram at she Can Heal Podcast and I would love to hear how you did.

Keila:

Okay, so the first one is true or false? If you practice self-care, you are being selfish. Okay, so I hope that you answered false, because absolutely that is false, right? As you've learned, practicing self-care is essential to your overall well-being. Self-care is essential to your overall wellbeing and actually sometimes, listen, we need to take time for ourselves to do the things that we need, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that we're selfish. It means that we care about ourselves, and so that is absolutely false, all right.

Keila:

Number two self-care is an extra privilege or treat True or false? Okay, the answer is false, right, because self-care includes so much more than just buying yourself anything or paying for any service, right? Like we talked about, it's so much deeper than that. It's the fundamental habits that help us to live a healthy and energetic life. Okay. Number three self-care is expensive. That is false, right? Self-care practices include our daily habits that help us feel and perform well, and they can be as cheap as free. Absolutely Right, because, as you've learned, self-care really is every single thing that we do to take care of ourselves and not the things. That includes pampering and manicures and all of that.

Keila:

And I also want to go back to two, because the reason this is in this quiz is because that's what truly a lot of us really believe that self-care is a privilege. Right, it's me treating myself and that's so much. That's so false, right, it's just not true. Taking care of yourself and doing those daily habits is not a privilege, right? It is just essential for you to live a healthy and a life that you are taking care of yourself. So that is also false. All right, so let's go to number four the main purpose of self-care is to improve my mental health. Okay, the answer to that is false, right, because self-care is meant to help your whole self, right? I just talked about that earlier. Right, it's taking that holistic approach which does not only include our emotional, but includes our physical self, our spiritual self. So it's more than just improving our mental health. Yes, it will improve your mental health, but it's not the main purpose of self-care.

Keila:

Question five anyone can practice self-care. Okay, I hope that was an easy one for you. Right, because it's absolutely true. And everyone should practice self-care in the way that helps them, right? The difference is that it's going to look different for all of us, but absolutely anyone and everyone should be practicing taking care of themselves, all right.

Keila:

Number six self-care is time consuming. Yes, this is a controversial one, right? Because if you think about it, many of us are saying I don't have time, that's why I don't do these things, but it's false, because self-care can be as long or as short as you need, and it depends on your lifestyle. It depends on how it presents for yourself, right, self-care can be just doing the fundamental things that we do on a daily basis, and so it is not about looking at it as time consuming, but it's really about investing time into yourself so that you can feel your best and you can perform everything you need to do, no matter what. It is being a mom, work, taking care of anyone in your life, and part of that is investing that time into you. It's kind of like the saying, right, taking care of anyone in your life, and part of that is investing that time into you. It's kind of like the saying, right, you can't pour from an empty cup, so you need time to refill yourself by doing all those important fundamental habits that we need to do in order to feel our best, all right.

Keila:

Number seven self-care is only when you're stressed or burned out, and that is false. Self-care should be a proactive, ongoing practice, not just a reactive measure. So waiting until you're completely overwhelmed is like waiting until your car runs out of gas to refuel. Right, consistent self-care prevents burnout and it builds resilience. It's like preventative maintenance on your car, right? You don't want to wait until your car breaks down to change the oil, would you right? No, we're not supposed to. The simple practice applies to our well-being, which is a preventative and proactive practice. And this is our last one, which is self-care is a quick fix. That is false. Building resilience and well-being takes time and consistent effort. There is no quick fixes or magic solutions, right?

Keila:

Self-care is a lifelong journey of self-discovery and growth. It is, again, it's what you do on a consistent basis that is truly going to help you. It's not I'm feeling burnt out, I'm going to go and maybe practice meditation for this week and then next week. It's fine, it's all good. No, it's about really giving yourself those consistent habits that are gonna help you to continue to feel good emotionally, physically and spiritually. Right, think of it like building muscle. It takes consistent effort over time to see results. So we need to learn how to be patient with ourselves and celebrate all the progress along the way, and you will see improvements if you're consistent and if you're intentional about taking care of yourself. I guarantee you. Okay, how did you do? How did you do with this quiz?

Keila:

If you've noticed that a lot of the answers you got them wrong, then it's important for you to you know, keep listening so that you can continue to learn that self-care truly is not a privilege, it's not a treat. It's not about doing expensive things. It's not saying that it takes too much time, right. It's really saying that taking care of myself is absolutely essential and important, and it's more than just those things that we see all the time on social media. Really. It's those important, fundamental things like getting enough sleep right, making sure that we're eating foods that are going to help us. It's about taking care of our physical bodies. It's really accepting and validating and, you know, giving ourselves space to process and to feel our emotions, right. It's all of those things that don't take time, right, that it's not expensive. It's not only for single people. It's that each of us learns how to make this a priority in their lives, and it's going to look different from everyone.

Keila:

Okay, so I hope that you learned a little bit from today's episode. I hope that this inspired you to begin to think of self-care in a different way, instead of looking at it as more of a privilege. I know certain people can do it, busy people can't do it, busy moms can't do it. It's just reminding yourself that everybody should be taking care of themselves on an emotional, physical, spiritual level, and so I hope this conversation at least helped you, maybe answer some of your questions, but if you do have other questions about self-care, about anything that I talked about on today's episode, feel free to reach out to me.

Keila:

This podcast is not just me talking here. I really do want to connect with you. If you have questions, if you have any comments, and even if you want to come on the podcast and talk about your own self-care practices and maybe you have questions about how can you incorporate self-care into your day, definitely feel free to reach out to me. I am here to answer your questions. I'm here to to just, you know, be there in any way that you think that I can be helpful to you, and so what I'm going to do is for the next couple of weeks I am going to bring. We're going to continue this conversation, so we're not stopping it here. This is just part one of this conversation. My goal is to, in the next couple of weeks, is to really break it down and really talk about each of the self-care areas, such as physical, emotional and physical and help you to really start to think about ways that you could incorporate self-care practices into your day, and my goal is to end it with helping you to create a self-care plan that is easy, practical, that you could incorporate into your day.

Keila:

Okay, so I truly hope that this was helpful. If you feel like you know anyone that could benefit from this information, definitely give them you know, share this episode with them and thank you so much for being with me today and I will talk to you next week. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review, wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.