Ep. 82 - Three Mindset Traps Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy

“I don’t have time.” “It’s too hard.” “I hate Mondays.” If any of those lines run on repeat in your head, it’s not just a bad week. It’s a mindset loop that can quietly keep you stuck, stressed, and unhappy even when you’re doing your best.

I’m Keila Aldea, licensed therapist and self-care advocate, and I’m walking you through three mindset shifts I see constantly in women’s mental health and healing work. We start with the “no time” trap and get honest about why waiting for extra hours never works. I share how to create pockets of time, get clear on what you want more of and less of, and make self-care a real priority without pretending life isn’t busy.

Next we tackle “it’s too hard” and why hard often means uncomfortable or different, not impossible. We talk procrastination, willpower myths, and how breaking goals into small steps can change your follow-through, whether you’re working on fitness, finances, or a life change you’ve been avoiding.

Finally, we unpack the Monday blues and what Sunday-night dread is trying to tell you about your schedule, your job, and your needs. We explore practical options, from boundaries and asking for help to giving yourself permission to stop doing it all, so your week feels more livable and less like a treadmill.

When you’re ready to turn insight into action, try my 24-hour mindset fast: catch the thought, name it, and choose a different one. If this supports you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find the tools to heal and thrive.

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Transcript

Welcome To She Can Heal

Three Mindset Shifts Overview

The No Time Mindset Trap

When Hard Means Uncomfortable

Breaking The Monday Blues Loop

24 Hour Mindset Fast Challenge

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Hello and welcome to the She Can Heal Podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am your host, Kayla El Dia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy, and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have on your wounds habits and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement, and or new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools, and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place. Because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to truly thrive. Hello, my friend, welcome back to another episode on the Sheikin Heel podcast. I hope that you are doing well as you are listening to today's episode. Today we're going to be talking about three mindset shifts that are keeping you stuck and unhappy. And these are mindset shifts that I personally have gone through that I hear over and over again. And I wanted to talk about them because sometimes we need to really realize what we are doing, like what are these patterns that we're stuck in, so that we can become more aware of them and make changes to make us feel a lot better. So I'm gonna be going over three of them that I hear over and over and over. I also have fallen into some of the traps myself and just learning and gaining awareness. I have made some changes, but I also fall into these traps myself, and then I'm gonna leave you with some action steps that you can do to disengage from these mindset shifts or even like start beginning to become aware. I'm gonna start with the one that I hear the most, the one that even I myself continue to catch myself being in, and that is the mindset that I don't have time. This is one of the biggest mindset traps that we all go through because one of the number one things that I hear over and over and over whenever we're talking about any type of habit, routine, whatever it is, goal, no matter what it is. The number one thing is I don't have time, and this could be I don't have time for exercise, I don't have time to have fun, I don't have time to sit down and read a good book, I don't have time to spend with friends, and I have even heard I don't have time to go on vacation. Yes, this is a mindset trap because if you constantly believe that you don't have time for what you truly want in life, you are constantly going to not make time for that. For example, I think the number one thing is I don't have time to exercise. For instance, I had a conversation with someone recently and they were talking about how stressed they feel, they've been, and I then asked them what do they do for themselves for self-care, for just taking care of them. And this person said, I don't have time. And so one of the things that I really was trying to get her to understand is that if you're feeling stressed because you're being pulled by so many different things with kids, with work, with everything, and taking 10 minutes out of your day, uh maybe twice a day to go for a walk. But this person literally believed that they don't have time, they don't have time for going for a walk. I can't go for a walk because I'm waiting for to pick up my kid or in between these different priorities, and she truly believed that she didn't have time. So this is the same with anything, right? I don't have time to read a good book, I don't have time to sit down and read a book. I have too many things to do, and that just means that like maybe I'm just slacking off, right? Because we truly believe that. I know I have fallen into that trap where on the weekends, yes, there's a lot of things that I have to do, but sitting down for an hour to do something that's enjoyable, even like going to do go exercise or go for a long walk. Sometimes we truly believe, like, I need to hurry up because I have other things to do, right? And so this is a big trap that we put ourselves in. So instead, I want you to think, how can I have time for, or how can I make time for? Because again, the truth is that your life is up to you, right? The choices that you make determine the life that you are living, right? The habits, the routines, all of that is truly up to you. I don't want to downplay that nowadays we are busy because we are. I know that if you're a mom, you are busy with your kids. I hear a lot of moms who have children who they have to bring back and forth to different activities. I know that you're busy with work, I know that some jobs are really demanding, and sometimes you come home after work and you truly don't want to do anything. I understand that there's other priorities that you might have that make you feel fill up so much of your time. So I'm not downplaying that. But what I am saying is that if you do not make time for the things that matter to you the most, you are gonna stay stuck feeling unhappy. You're gonna stay stuck with the mindset that like I can't be happy, right? That I can't do anything fun. But the truth is that we can create pockets of time to do the things that matter to us the most. Again, fun is not just going to land on your lap, you have to create and make space for it, right? Exercise is time isn't just gonna open up for you to go and exercise. You literally have to create it, you literally have to really look at your day-to-day, your schedule, and you have to ask yourself, where can I create pockets of time to go for a workout twice a week? Or maybe like I've been feeling really stressed, all I do is work, take care of the kids, and I would really love a time to just hang out with a friend and go for dinner or go for a hike or anything like that again. That is not just going to happen. People that have these types of lives where they spend time with friends, where they go visit like coffee shops, they meet up with friends to go thrifting, or sometimes getting like an evening away is something that they plan for or they make space for. And sometimes I've done different episodes where we talk about different ways that you can make this happen, such as delegating, such as moving things around, such as asking for help, and all of those things. So this has to be an intentional process, and you can't just convince yourself that you don't have time to do anything that you truly want, right? One of the things that's really important is being clear of what you want more or less of in your life, right? If you're clear about that, because if you think about it, there's a lot of time that gets wasted on things that we truly don't want to do, or there's many things that we truly want to do. So, number one is you have to be clear of what that truly is for you so that you can be more intentional about including that more in your life. So, again, if you are the type of person that really wants to go start working out because you want to be more healthier, you want to really work on your fitness, then that is something that you would create time for because you say to yourself, this is important. And I'm sure that if you look at your schedule, there might be things that either you don't have to do are not as important as taking care of your health, and that you can swap out for. And also, it's important for you to now that you know what it is. So, for instance, let's just use exercise as an example. Now I know that I want to make time to work out three times per week so that I can really work on my fitness and my health goals. Now I have to make a plan and I have to make it happen. What would that actually look like? So that might mean 30 minutes three times a week. Where would I where could I fit that? Where could I fit that? And if I'm looking at my schedule and it looks impossible, be very, very honest with yourself and saying, what is it that I can swap out for so that I can make this happen? So being really clear about what you want less and what you want more can be something that can really help you to really identify that. So it could be something like I want more time to care for me, such as going for daily walks or going to the gym, or I want less stress with my schedule during the week, right? Now that you have these two intentions, now you can plan for them. So if I want more time to care for me and go for daily walks or go for the gym, again, I'm gonna look at my schedule and I'm gonna make that a priority and I'm gonna schedule it in. If I want less stress with my schedule during the week, then I might just look at my schedule and really identify what are the things that are really too much, right? What can I take off my plate so that I can feel less stress in my week? And so again, going back to the original mindset is I don't have time, it's just a mindset trap, right? It is a trap that you are putting yourself in and you're not allowing yourself to even think the possibility that you can make time for things that matter to you the most. So this is a mindset shift that we need to do intentionally in order to make that happen. All right, let's move on to number two, with which is it's too hard. I don't know if you've ever found yourself saying this, but I know I have. And this is a mindset shift that will keep you stuck and will stop you from really doing the things that you truly want to do. For example, I can't lose weight, it's too hard. I can't keep my house clean, it's too hard. I will never have a job that I love. I can't start that business that I truly want because it's too hard. So, this is a mindset shift that we all say to ourselves. We convince ourselves that something is too hard and we just never take the steps or we procrastinate. I know this has happened to me many times when it's something that again, I convince myself it's gonna be too much work, it's gonna be too hard, it's going to require too much of me. And then what happens is you then don't do it, right? You don't take the steps you need to do. You procrastinate and you procrastinate and you procrastinate. And I know for me, anytime that I have done that, I've realized that that's all in my head, right? It's not too hard. Once I do it and I break it into little pieces, I can do it and I can move on to the next step and I can make progress in that area. So instead, be honest with yourself about what is truly realistic for you, or do you really want that goal or that outcome, right? Because many times we don't want to do differently, we want to stay comfortable. So, again, when we say that it's too hard, you have to be realistic with yourself and say, is this something that I truly want? But sometimes hard actually means different. It takes you to be uncomfortable to some to do something different, right? Doing different things equals feeling hard. And I'll go back to the example of losing weight because I think this is a very relatable subject. I know I have struggled with this area myself, right? But let's again let's look at this example. When we're thinking about losing weight, number one is you can't keep eating the same, right? So you can't just pick up whatever, eat what you normally eat because that has not caused you to have the results that you want. You're gonna have to track calories, you're gonna have to be intentional and plan ahead for your meals, you're gonna have to eat less of the foods that you really love because a lot of those foods usually are high calorie foods, right? And all of this is uncomfortable, right? It's inconvenient. And most of us like to be comfortable, most of us like to live in that area of comfort, and so anytime that we have to do something that pushes us out of our comfort zone, that pushes us to do something different, that pushes us to do new habits, right? Anything new and different is uncomfortable, and what we do is we call it hard. But if you're really serious and if you're truly invested in this goal, this outcome, you will do the quote unquote hard things because you are really wanting that outcome. It's not too hard if you really want it. You might need help, you might need to start slow, whatever it is, but hard really means uncomfortable. Another example could be someone who wants to save$10,000, right? They want to save$10,000 for a specific goal. Guess what? That's gonna be hard because it's going to be uncomfortable. It means you have to change the way that you are spending your money. If you want to save$10,000, then you're gonna have to make a plan, right? And you're gonna have to do things differently. Meaning, maybe you notice that you overspend on the weekends, eating out or whatnot. So now you say to yourself, I want to save these$10,000 for down payment for a car, right? In order to do that, that means that I have to look at my budget and I have to do something different, right? That might mean that out of my spending budget, I am going to have to minimize that so that I can have money to port towards this goal. Again, it's all on how you think about it, right? One person might say, This is gonna be too hard, I don't have the willpower to spend less, or this is gonna be too hard because now I can't do X, Y, or Z. Or the other person can say, This is going to require me to do things differently. This is gonna require me to have a plan and it's going to be uncomfortable and it's going to be inconvenient, but I'm going to do it because I need to get a better car, right? Again, it depends on the outcome. And it's all on how you think about it. If you think about it, this is too hard, I can't do this, you're not gonna do it, right? You're gonna come up with all the reasons why you can't do this, you're gonna come up with all the reasons why it's too hard, versus this is gonna be difficult, it's going to be uncomfortable, but I'm going to do it because I really want to fill in the blank. I really want to lose weight. I really want to buy a new car. I really want to save up for a house, whatever it is. The idea is that if you believe that it's too hard, then it's going to be too hard and you're not gonna do it. If you believe that you don't have time for X, Y, or Z, you are not going to find time for X, Y, or Z. You know what I mean? The whole idea here is that we need to shift the way that we are thinking so that we can act differently. If I believe it's going to be hard, then it's going to be hard, and I'm going to focus on everything that feels hard and I'm going to give up. But if I think differently and say this is going to be difficult, it's going to be uncomfortable, it's going to be inconvenient, but I'm still going to do it because I want that outcome. You're going to get through those little hurdles, right? They're not going to feel so hard. They're going to feel like little hurdles that you got to get through and you're going to get to the other side, right? I know for me, when I first started to wanting to lose weight, I realized that in order for me to lose weight, of course, I have to eat less calories, right? So once I started to track my calories, I realized this is why I haven't been able to lose weight because I'm eating X amount of calories. And according to this calorie counter, it says that I should be eating X amount of calories. In the beginning, I remember saying to myself, This I can't do this. I can't sh cut off, you know, 500 calories from my day. That's crazy. I'm gonna be starving. This isn't going to work, right? But what I did say to myself was, okay, I have to start eating about 400, 500 calories less. Let me start with 100 calories. Let me look where can I take out 100 calories, and that might just be like one of my coffees, right? And then when that became pretty easy, then I shifted and I said, Okay, where can I cut back another 100 calories? And now I am eating less calories overall, especially when I'm really intentional about it, and it doesn't feel hard, right? You realize that I can do these hard things, right? I can be uncomfortable for a little bit so that I can get to the goal that I want, right? Same thing with time. If I convince myself that I don't have time, right, I'm not gonna have time, I'm not gonna see the time because what you focus on expands. It's what happens, right? If I focus on no time, I'm not gonna see, I'm not gonna find time, I'm not gonna be able to create time. But if I focus on me wanting this outcome, I'm gonna be able to find time, create time, do what I need to do in order to make more time to do the thing that I truly want to do. So again, it's all about how we think, what we focus on, and this unconscious narrative that we constantly tell ourselves. I don't have time. This is too hard. Again, if we can shift out of that and just think differently about it, it's going to be so much easier for you to then say, that is not true. I do have time and I can create time, I can create twice a week 30 minutes to go on a 30-minute walk. I can do that, I just have to shift things around, I have to do things a little differently. Maybe it is me waking up a little earlier, or maybe it's me cooking dinner a little earlier so then I can make time to go for this walk. You know, so it's really identifying that this is a trap that I've been getting stuck in and shifting that so that I can make things happen that are gonna make me feel better, happier, more fulfilled. Alright, so we're gonna move on to mindset trap number three, and this is one that I used to struggle with myself so much, and little by little I have learned to shift out of that, and that is the Monday blues, right? The feeling that you get on Sunday night. Something like I hate Mondays, right? I know you've probably said it yourself. I hear a lot of people talking about it, and it's that that dreaded feeling. I hate Mondays because Mondays means all the bad stuff that we don't want to do, right? Because the weekend it goes too fast, and I enjoy the weekends because I get to do more things for me, and so so on and so forth. And sometimes that just might mean why is it that I hate Mondays? Why is it that when Monday starts coming or something that comes along, I feel so like upset, frustrated, depressed, whatever you want to call it, right? And it might mean is it that you don't that you have a job that you don't like, right? Because Monday means that I have to go for five days to this job that I truly, truly do not like. Is it because you're not looking too forward to your week because you have a ton of responsibilities? So once a Monday comes, you're like on the go, go, go, go, and you really don't have much time to just slow down and it's stressful. Isn't that you're tired of the same old, same old, right? Monday comes and you feel like you're a hamster and a hamster wheel because it's the same thing, right? I get up, I get dressed, I go to work, I come out, I cook, I clean, I go to sleep, right? You're tired of the same old, same old, same old, same old. And honestly, I can understand why you would feel that way if you fall into one of these categories, and I'm sure there's other categories that also play a role in this. But this is a mindset trap. This is the trap that you are putting yourself into. Believe me, again, I used to fall into this trap all the time because the weekend went too fast, and now Monday comes, and I don't want to do all the things, and instead, the mindset shift that can be so helpful is reminding ourselves that life is truly a blessing, right? You get to live life, right? Any day that you see, any day that you move your body, any day that you're able to be with your family to see the sunrise is truly a blessing. And I know that for many that is very cliche, but to be honest with you, if you can start to think about your week, beginning of the week, as something different than dread, it can make a world of a difference. And again, I understand that sometimes. Life is feeling really hard right now, and you cannot even fathom to think of life as a blessing because you feel you have so much stress, you probably have you know health issues, like there's so much that you might be going through that you say to yourself, I can't see life as a blessing right now because again, life is feeling really hard. I'm constantly stressed. But if you believe that you get to live this life, if you truly believe that, then you can make that shift. And sometimes that means that you just need to make some changes in your life. For example, do you need to look for a new job or do you need to change careers? Is it because the job and the career that you're at is very stressful? Maybe it's something that you really are not passionate about, that you're just doing it because you have no choice. But honestly, that could be something that you can change, right? You can say again, if we go back to I get to live this life, I get to choose a job that truly is less stressful, more fulfilling. Maybe it's closer to home, so you don't have to travel so much. Maybe it's the type of career that you're in that is very draining. And maybe you say to yourself, I need to do a shift, a career shift, which I know is not easy, but again, if you can get into the mindset that like this is my life, and I can choose how I want to live this life, those decisions become more doable, right? Those decisions become something that I can actually choose to. And sometimes it just means being more intentional about what you truly need. Again, is it a job change? Is it a career change? Maybe I just need to work less, maybe I just want more flexibility with my schedule. Like I said, maybe just going into traffic every single day is very stressful. And maybe you can look at other options like working from home. Like you literally can create the life that you truly want, or you can create changes in your life so that your life can feel less stressful, less worrisome. It's like the last one, right? It's too hard. Again, if we convince ourselves that it's too hard, that it just can't happen. This is just the life that I have to live, then you're gonna stay stuck there, right? But if you really help yourself to understand that you can choose different, and again, it's about being uncomfortable, right? It's about I have to do things that are they're gonna push me out of my comfort zone. I'm gonna have to step a little into fear a little more, take a little risk if I want different, right? It's reminding ourselves that I'm only stuck if I believe that I have to stay here and if I believe that I can't have anything different, which is not true. If it's more about busyness for you, and it's really asking yourself, how can I structure my week so that it's not so busy, right? Again, it's making decisions, it's making choices that help me feel better in my week. Again, is it that I just need to learn how to ask for help? Is it that I have to learn how to build in like rest time, break time, downtime, time with friends, fun time? Then it's asking yourself, is there anything that I need more of? And again, be more specific, right? Do I need more social time? Do I need more fun? Can I really build in something that I can look forward to? Again, it's all about how you think about it and in the choices that you make. The other thing I want you to think about is giving yourself permission. Permission to do the things that you truly want to do or to remove things out of your life, your week, your day. It's really giving yourself permission that if I feel stressed in this week or just even looking forward to the week, I feel stressed already because there's just too much. Give yourself permission to not have to do it all. Give yourself permission to take things off your plate, your schedule, your time. And that might mean just having to say no to people. That might just be advocating for your own self-care. And so a lot of times it's really giving yourself permission. Sometimes it could be something as simple as I'm gonna give myself permission every day after work, that I'm just going to give myself 30 minutes of me time. And that could be whatever you want it to be. Again, depending on your goals, intentions, whatever it is you want that to look like, that might just mean 30 minutes of reading a really good book, 30 minutes of going for a walk. That might be instead of coming straight home, I'm gonna go to the park after work and I'm just going to sit and eat something or go for a walk or even like meet a friend, whatever that is for you. But a lot of times, this is how we can shift out of this mindset trap. Okay. So as I'm wrapping up this episode, I just want to remind you what these three mindset traps are so that you it can remind you, and I want you to really keep that in mind so that you can start doing your own reflection at the end of this episode. So, number one, the number one is I don't have time, right? I don't have time for the things that really matter to me or the things that I really would want to spend time on. The second one was it's too hard. This is a mindset shift that's stopping you from doing the things that you truly want, no matter if it's something like losing weight, starting a business, ending a relationship, whatever it is, it's the trap that you're convincing yourself that's too hard and it's not going to happen, right? And again, it's reminding ourselves that many times it's not about it being too hard, but it's about it being uncomfortable and us really making the decision that I'm going to step into the discomfort because I do want this change. And the last one is the Monday blues, right? I hate Mondays. It's reminding ourselves that we truly get to live the life that we are living, and it all comes down to the choices that we make every single day. And again, we can choose to stay stuck in this rut, or we can choose to do something different so that we can be happier, feel peace, and just feel good in our lives. Okay, so we spent today looking at three mindset shifts that's really keeping us stuck and unhappy. But gaining insight without action is just information. So here is my challenge to you. Commit to a 24-hour mindset fast. And what this means is for the next 24 hours, if you feel a Monday complaint, a this is too hard, side, or an I don't have time excuse coming on. I want you to stop. I want you to catch it, name it, and choose a different thought. Choose to challenge these thoughts and not get stuck in the same pattern that you've been getting stuck in. Stop believing it and start challenging it and do something different. And I hope this episode was helpful to you. I hope that if you are noticing that you're stuck in one of these mindset shifts, or it might be a different mindset shift, right? I'm just giving you these three that really resonated with me and what I've been hearing a lot of. You might say none of these apply to me, but there might be another one, right? There might be another one that you notice that comes over and over and over and is keeping you stuck in some area of your life. This is a reminder that these are just thoughts and we can choose to believe them and stay the way that we are, or we can choose to challenge them and do something different so that we can feel different. So this is just a reminder that we do have a lot more power and control over our lives than we truly believe. And it all comes down to really believing the things that we truly want to achieve in our lives. Okay. So if this episode was helpful to you, I would love for you to share with someone in your life who you know needs to hear this. Maybe it's your best friend, maybe it's your sister, maybe it's a coworker. Let's not keep this to ourselves and let's share this so that we can continue to grow, evolve, and heal from all the crap that the life has been throwing at us. And again, thank you so much for listening, and I will talk to you again next week. Take care. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.