Ep. 92 - Beyond Willpower: Why Your Systems (Not Motivation) Create Consistency

Have you ever told yourself, "I just don't have enough willpower," or "I'm just not motivated enough"? If you are constantly hitting the "reset button" on your health, fitness, or personal goals, this episode is a must-listen.

Host Keila Aldea gets vulnerable about her own recent struggles with consistency and nutrition, sharing a pivotal realization from her nutritionist: consistency is not a character trait—it’s a system output.

In this episode, we break down the science behind why we fall off track and unpack the three major traps that destroy our progress: the Motivation Myth, the Willpower Battery, and the truth about Self-Sabotage. Plus, you'll walk away with a step-by-step framework to remove friction, build bulletproof daily routines, and finally achieve the follow-through you've been looking for.

Key Takeaways From This Episode:

• The Motivation Trap: Why waiting to "feel" motivated is holding you back, and how action actually creates motivation (not the other way around).
• The Willpower Battery: How decision fatigue drains your energy by nightfall and why you need environment design instead of brute force.
• Self-Sabotage vs. Broken Systems: Why failing to meet your goals isn't a personal flaw—it’s just a sign that your current plan lacks structure.
• The 5-Step System for Lasting Consistency: How to implement SMART goals, automate your habits, build external accountability, and plan ahead for life's inevitable obstacles.
• Tracking & Celebrating Wins: Why acknowledging the small "baby steps" is the ultimate secret weapon for long-term momentum.

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Transcript

Welcome And Show Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello and welcome to the She Can Heal Podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am your host, Kayla El Dia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy, and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing that you have unhealed wounds, habits, and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement, andor new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools, and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the gill and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place. Because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to truly thrive.

Why Consistency Feels Hard

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Hello and welcome back to another episode on the She Can Heal Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me for today. Because today we're going to be talking about consistency. And one of the things is that most of us think that when it comes to consistency, we have either no willpower or we're not motivated enough. We think that people who are consistent with their goals are extremely motivated and have strong willpower. But here's the truth: the truth really lies in the choices that we make every single day and knowing what those steps are. So if you talk to anyone who's been successful at their goal, no matter if it's health, financial, or personal growth, they will tell you that they did the things they needed to do even when they didn't want to. They would also tell you that after a while it became routine and they didn't have to think about it and it became easier and easier. So again, the truth is that when we're trying to stay consistent on our goals, we need to remove the myth that we have to have strong willpower or we always have to be motivated. And I'm going to share with you why. So in today's episode, I am going to go through what motivation really is and why it's not something that we can rely on when it comes to our goals. We'll also talk about willpower and also self-sabotage. So we're going to talk about those three areas and then I'm going to end with what we can lean on. What do we need to know and focus on in order to be consistent with our goals? So one of the reasons that I am sharing this episode is because I personally struggle with consistency, especially when it comes to my own like health and nutrition goals. One of the things is that I recently have been hitting the reset button a lot. And I recently had an appointment with my nutritionist, and I was sharing this with her, and she helped me to realize that although I might get frustrated, I was telling her that I was feeling really just like hopeless when it comes to my journey. She reminded me of all the progress that I have made, and it really helped me to again get back on track and really understand that it really does not have anything to do with willpower or with motivation, but it's really about the choices and the habits that I make. So here are some ways that I'm personally struggling with when it comes to my own nutrition goals, and I'm sure that you can resonate with at least one of these. Number one, I don't make time to create a realistic plan so that I know exactly what I have to do and one. This creates a feeling of overwhelm about what I should eat that will fit into my goal, and then I make a decision that pulls me off track because who has time to think on the spot and what meals to eat that will fit into their macro goals? Or I don't know if I can work out when it then it turns into two to three days, which makes me feel hopeless. Number two, I don't create a schedule that is realistic for myself. For example, I wing it when it comes to meal planning and exercising. This usually does not work out because I run out of time, energy, or I don't take into account other important tasks or appointments that get in the way and I don't get it done. And number three, I watch videos or I listen to podcasts only to hear the same stuff over and over again that I already know, but then I'm lacking the follow-through or the action needed because of the two reasons that I just shared previously. This then leads me to disappointment, giving up, and having to hit that reset button over and over again, which can be very frustrating, especially when you're not seeing the results that you want. So if you are working on any type of goal, right right now, mine is nutrition because I'm really working really hard on just being more healthier and just feeling good in my body, and you notice that you fall into one of these traps as well, then this is gonna be a great um episode for you. Because one of the things that I decided to do was I really want to work through this myself, and I thought, why not share it with you so that we can learn together and grow together? So, again, we're gonna talk about is it motivation, is it willpower, is it self-sabotage, or is it something else? Okay, let's look at these three areas to decide if that's what's happening with me and you could do the same with your own goals.

Motivation Myth And Action Loop

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Number one, what is motivation and how does motivation play a role in consistency? So I looked up a definition and it says motivation actually is an emotion and it's not a strategy. Motivation is the why behind our behavior, but because it's an emotion, it fluctuates based on your sleep, your stress, and your environment. Relying on it for long-term consistency is a trap. I can totally like understand that. The first is called extrinsic motivation, and this one is driven by external rewards or avoiding punishment, for example, deadlines or vanity. It's good for short bursts but burns out really quickly. And the second is called intrinsic, it's driven by internal values, curiosity, or identity. For example, doing something because it brings you peace or in fulfillment, and this is the key to consistency. But here's the thing: there's something called the motivation loop, and this is how it works. The trap is waiting to feel motivated before acting. And the truth is that action actually creates motivation, not the other way around. So the bottom line is we can't wait for that little spark, right? We have to take small action first, and then the momentum and motivation will follow. So, again, this is something for us to really recognize is that we're not always going to be motivated. Motivation is going to increase and decrease depending on who are we who we are around, what we're doing, time of the day, and all of that. So this is not something we can fully rely on. And like it said at the end of that clip, it said that motivation works with action. And so sometimes it's when you're taking that action, your motivation will increase. So again, we can't rely solely on motivation. And if that's what you're doing, this is why you're not being consistent with your progress.

Willpower Battery And Environment Design

SPEAKER_00 8:05

All right, so now we're gonna move on to willpower because this is a big one for me personally, right? You you really say to yourself, damn, I really have no willpower. I can't stop myself from eating these types of foods, or I can't stop myself from doing the thing that I need to do. But let's really look at it and see what is willpower and how does it relate to consistency. So, what it says is that willpower is a finite resource. Willpower is like a smartphone battery and it's fully charged in the morning, but it drains every time you make a decision, you resist a distraction, manage stress, or you force discomfort. By nightfall, your battery hits the low power zone. And this is why healthy choices like eating well or going for a walk are much easier at 8 a.m. than 8 p.m. So, again, relying solely on willpower to stay consistent always fails because it is a limited daily asset that drains even faster during busy or stressful times. And the goal isn't to force more willpower, it's to design an environment and daily systems that remove friction. So you are rarely have to use willpower at all. And this is really important specifically for myself, but I want you to think about you as well, because like I said, I really am, it's really hard for me to stay consistent with my eating habits. But if I'm really thinking that it's willpower, then I'm going to feel helpless and I'm just going to want to give up. But if I listen to this and says that this is something like a battery that it drains over the day, right? By the time I come out of work, if I don't have any systems in place, if I don't meal plan, if I don't do anything to help myself, then it's not that I don't have any willpower, it's that I am exhausted, I am tired, and I really do not want to think about and try to put together a meal that's gonna fall within my goals. This is something that I should already have in place so that when I do come home, I don't have to think about it.

Self-Sabotage Or Broken Systems

SPEAKER_00 10:08

In the third area that I wanted to talk about was self-sabotage, because again, when you think about being consistent, a lot of times I know this happens to me. I say to myself, like, I literally self-sabotage my progress, right? Let's just use nutrition, right? So if I know that I should be eating a healthier meal, then something happens. Either it's one of the other ones, right? Maybe I'm I'm relying on willpower, I'm relying on motivation to feel good, and it's just not there because I'm tired, I'm busy doing the thing. And then I say to myself, Well, listen, this is what I'm doing. I'm self-sabotaging. I'm not able to stay consistent on my goals, and I'm literally sabotaging everything. But honestly, that is not true, right? Because yes, when you self-sabotage, the definition is it's a behavior pattern that actively undermines your own long-term goals and creates repeated disruptions, making steady consistency impossible. And it really happens for a couple of reasons, right? Fear of failure, right? You're protecting your self-image from a real attempt, or fear of success, worrying about a new pressure or change, right? If we think about our goals, whatever you're working on, for me again, it's nutrition, right? It's fear of failure, is I don't know, especially when you don't have a plan, you're you don't think that you're gonna do it right. And maybe you try and you still go over your calories, you really think really hard about what you should be eating, and then it doesn't work out, and you just say to yourself, This doesn't work. Like, I'm not good at this. I keep failing, and so I'm not even going to try. Sometimes it's based more on like your own self-limiting beliefs, your internal negative, like labels, imposter syndrome. Again, thinking that you have to be perfect, thinking that it has to be a certain way, thinking that you have to do it the way that someone else does it, can be a way that we get into our into our own way, which then becomes more like sabotage. And sometimes it's just part of a survival strategy, right? Sometimes it is just how we function, right? We avoid things, we limit ourselves from thinking that we can do different things, that we can achieve certain goals, that we can get the outcome that we truly want. And so this is why it destroys consistency because again, you're using procrastination, you're quitting early, you're making excuses, right? You start having that cycle of shame where you're every time you make a mistake, you're feeling like you're not good at this, you're feeling unworthy, which is going to lead you to further avoid the situation and choose things that are what you already know versus what you're trying to get to. And then it also reinforces the negative cycle and strengthens the false belief that you can't succeed, making it hard to restart. Or in my case, right, it's very frustrating to hit that restart button over and over again. But here's the truth: the truth is that the real reason is that you don't have a plan, you don't have a system in place, you don't have routines and habits that are going to help you to make progress on your goals, right? You sabotage yourself because you don't have anything in place, because you believe that you're not good enough, that you can't do this, and you trick yourself into believing that this isn't meant for you or you're never going to succeed, and so you give up, right? But again, it I'm going back to systems. We have to be intentional with our plan. We have to have things in writing. I mean, the people who are the most successful in whatever journey they're on is because they have plans in place and they follow different routines and habits that cause them to stay consistent and steady, right? It's not about willpower, it's not about motivation, and it's not even about you self-sabotaging yourself because the truth is that if you had a plan, if you had things in place, right? A system that will work for you, you will be successful because you're gonna take the guesswork, you're gonna take the friction out, and it's going to be so much easier. That's what we're gonna talk about next.

Build Systems With SMART Goals

SPEAKER_00 14:22

So consistency with goals really comes from building effective systems, creating small, actionable steps, and maintaining accountability rather than solely reliant on willpower or motivation. Okay, so number one is you want to set clear and realistic goals. So, step one really is all about creating very specific goals. One of the ways you can do that is by using the SMART method, which is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. And then breaking these larger goals into smaller, manageable steps makes them less overwhelming and makes it easier for you to track progress. For example, instead of saying I will I want to exercise more, I'll be more specific. I will walk 20 minutes every morning after breakfast. It is specific, right? I'm going to be walking for 20 minutes every morning. It's measurable, right? 20 minutes, I can use either my fitness watch, I can write it down. It's relevant because it's connected to the goal of me wanting to become healthier and it's time bound. It is 20 minutes every morning. So it's very specific. You don't, there's no guesswork because if you think about it, I want to exercise more and then you don't really become specific. It's gonna be really hard for you to understand what does that even mean? Versus I want to walk 20 minutes every morning after breakfast, or I will exercise for 30 minutes on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays. So this is what we mean by being specific. Next, you want to build a system, not just motivation. So relying on willpower alone is often unsustainable because, like I said earlier, it depletes over the day. So instead, you want to create a system that automates or cues your desired behavior. So anchoring small actions to existing routines like writing for 10 minutes after your morning coffee helps make consistency automatic. Habit trackers or apps can reinforce these systems. So for you, I want you to think about what systems would work for you. If you're a paper and pen person like I am, using a notebook or a planner to write down your plan can be really helpful, right? Be specific. And here's what I did recently to help with my own nutrition goals. Number one is I wrote down three recipes per meal. So I found three meals that I really enjoy for breakfast and lunch. I wrote down the ingredients, I also wrote down the macros so I can make sure that I know how this meal will fit into my goals. And I already had written down how many calories I should eat per meal and carbs, protein, fats, and all of that. Now I have three meals for the month that I can alternate. I also did the same thing for dinner. I picked five dinners that I really enjoy and I can also alternate. Now I know exactly what I will eat, which makes it easier to plan grocery shop and track my results. Versus before, when I literally was ready to go to the grocery store and I was trying to, you know, quickly put things together, which doesn't always work out, and then I didn't have what I needed if I wanted to make some macro friendly meals. Two, I also use a calorie tracker app, which I can input my meals into and I can track my macros and my calories. This is a good tool that I can use to keep me on track. So for you, it's really thinking about what is a system that would work for me depending on your goal. Again, if your goal is more health and nutrition, it could do something, you can do something similarly. If it's more financial, you could do it as well, right? It's just really thinking about what systems can I do so that I can really plan out what this is going to look like. My suggestion, again, like I said previously, is think about what kind of person you are and what works for you. Well, some people like to have something tangible like a notebook or agenda or something like that that they can write their plan in. Great. For other people, they're more electronic, so they like to use other things like maybe an app or maybe using a Google Doc or a spreadsheet or something that can help them. Again, it's really up to you, but really deciding what kinds of tools work best for you. And it all depends on who you are and what helps you. How do you learn? What works best for you, and what are you going to be consistent with?

Accountability And Tracking Tools

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Next is you want to develop accountability. So having someone to check in with, such as a friend, a coach, or some type of like community group, like an online group, increases the likelihood of follow-through. External accountability provides motivation even when personal drive is low. So sharing your goals publicly or using a habit tracking app can strengthen your commitment. For me, I have a nutritionist that I meet with every two to three weeks. She helps me to identify areas that I struggle with, and she also educates me on ways to feel better with my nutrition goals, such as like looking for stage G80 foods and good food choices. She's someone that I can talk to, that I can really like talk about my struggles, talk about my strength, and really just help to build those gaps. For you, it could be someone you work with, like a coach or some type of expert, like a nutritionist or a personal trainer, or it could be as simple as using an app that you can track your goals, like the calorie app that I use. I also use my Apple Watch for fitness, and I always strive to hit the three rings, which means movement, exercise, and standing. And for me, this is a good predictor of me staying active. So, again, think about you and what do you need to be accountable? Do you need someone? Do you need someone that you can check in with that can either be a friend or like I mentioned, a coach or a community, anything like that? Or are you good with just using something to track your progress, like an app, a fitness watch, or anything like that, depending on what your goal is. It's really important because again, sometimes it is external accountability and sometimes it's internal accountability. It all depends on where you are and what you need. Next, and this one is a big one: it's plan for obstacles. So life is unpredictable. So we need to learn how to anticipate challenges and prepare solutions. For instance, if bad weather prevents outdoor exercise, have an indoor alternative ready and focus on solutions rather than excuses to maintain momentum. Keeping a list of potential barriers and strategies will ensure that you stay consistent despite any

Plan For Obstacles Ahead

SPEAKER_00 21:15

type of setback. So for me, this would be if we decide to go out to eat or if there's a work event, I'm gonna make a list of restaurants that I like to go to and then identify which foods I can choose that will not throw me off my plan. Yes, it's a bit of work to do ahead of time, but when the time comes, I can feel good that I will not derail my progress and I have to hit that reset button once again. And again, this is important for you to think about your own life. And one of the things that my nutritionist does with me is always talk about are there any events coming up? So if there's any events coming up, then this is the time where we can plan ahead for them. We can plan if there is some type of a holiday coming up. And really just plan how am I going to address this for you? It might be if your goal is to exercise, but your schedule is really tight with work, kids, is like really identifying what I can do. Like I had a client once where she said exactly that I don't have time to even go for a walk. But one of the things she would do is she would bring her daughter to her soccer practice, something like that, right? So we discuss instead of just sitting down and the bleachers or waiting in your car and reading, why don't you take that opportunity and go for a walk? So while your daughter is in her practice, you can go ahead and get a 30-minute walk. You know, so it's really just thinking about what are these obstacles that are getting in my way. And really, like we it's easy to make excuses. I don't have time. I don't have time to work out, I don't have time to dedicate to this course, I don't have time for this. Those are all excuses, and it's not really going to help you to get to where you want to get to. Instead, we can say, all right, these are the obstacles that are in my way. I have this much time, or I have these activities, I have these things, and we can always come up with different alternatives. Sometimes it just means that we need to get creative, sometimes it means we need to ask for help, sometimes it means we need to delegate things, whatever it is that we have to do, we can do that so that we can be more successful with the things that we really want to achieve. So it can happen. Next is you want to create consistent habits. So consistency is reinforced by daily routines and reminders. Place visual cues in your environment, stick to a schedule, and gradually integrate new habits into your life. Over time, these habits become second nature, reducing reliance on conscious effort. So for me, that would be on Saturday morning, I can pull out my meal plan and make a grocery list from the pre-made meals that I wrote down previously. Now I have my grocery list

Routines That Make Habits Stick

SPEAKER_00 24:04

and I go to the grocery store early in the day. I can then use Sunday mornings as my meal prep day because I know if it doesn't get done by Sunday, it's not gonna get done, and there goes my plan, which has happened to me so many times, and then I feel like a failure and I made bad choices. So I know that this is the way that's going to make me more consistent. Another area that I do is I create a workout schedule and I stick to it no matter what. So that means Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I do my strength training and I don't have to think about it. Another thing that I also do is I create calendar appointments on my Google Calendar. And so on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I will put in there upper body workout and I'll put on whatever time that is. Again, that's very important for you to really recognize when in my day is it gonna be able to um am I gonna be able to get this done? So for me, it might be after work. So every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 6 p.m. I get a reminder that says, you know, time to do your workout. And then I just do it because it's already a habit, it's already a routine and it's easier. And again, if I plan this ahead of time, if I make the time to sit down, plan this out, I already know that Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 6 p.m. are the days that I'm gonna work out. And so then I'm gonna work around that. If I have any other activities or anything that's come up, I know that it has to work around this schedule. And again, I know that if I have anything in the evenings that may get into the way of that, it could become a conflict for me. That's when planning maybe on a Sunday of what my week looks like could be a good option. And something else that I think could be really helpful is just maintaining a positive mindset because the truth is that you're gonna have a lot of negative thoughts, you're gonna have those self-sabotaging thoughts that are come convincing you that you are not gonna make it, that you are hopeless, right? You feel defeated. It's really replacing those negative self-talk statements with more positive reinforcement, right? And understanding that the occasional setbacks are normal and it's focusing on the long-term process rather than being perfect and viewing consistency as a system output rather than a character trait reduces frustration and increases your sustainability. So, again, it's really being mindful that I'm not perfect, I'm not a robot, I'm not going to be a hundred percent perfect, but I am going to try my best and also be really mindful of the times when something derails you, what happened, and how can you prepare for that in the future? Again, it's okay to start over, but when we're hitting the reset button over and over and over again, there's probably something missing in our systems. We probably don't have a system in place, we didn't sit down to create a plan, and we're not being very mindful of what that looks like on a day-to-day basis. So it's not about you as a flaw in you, it is a part of the system that is broken, right? Something is just not working out, something maybe you don't have anything in place and you're trying to just do it on your own. So remind yourself of that and you will be successful. So, again, when we combine SMART goals, again, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound, effective systems, accountability, habit formation, and proactive problem solving, you can stay consistent and steadily progress towards your objectives. I know that this was helpful to me in my consistency with my nutrition goals, and I'm personally going to be following these steps to really help me to be consistent with my health and wellness goals. I would suggest that you do the same. Think about what is really holding you back and really sit down and come up with this plan that we just discussed, right? Really being clear about your goals, making sure you're building systems, like thinking about what accountability you need, what are some things that usually get in the way of you being consistent with your goals and really plan for them. Think about what are some habits, some routines that you can put in place and remove any barriers or any friction so that it can be a lot easier for you to take the steps necessary. Then again, being proactive with your goals and your progress. One thing that I totally skipped over, I just realized as I'm looking over my notes, is the importance of really tracking your progress and rewarding yourself. So, again, the it's so important to celebrate all your small wins because that's going to reinforce your positive behavior. It's going to actually give you more motivation to continue working. And tracking also provides you insight into patterns. So helping you to fine-tune anything, like I said earlier, if there's anything that you felt stopped

Track Progress And Celebrate Wins

SPEAKER_00 29:06

you from your progress or a reason why you had to hit the reset button, that could be something that you can incorporate and really just be flexible with. Again, it's just about just monitoring and really identifying and noticing all those small wins and all those small baby steps that are gaining you closer to that goal. Every small step, no matter what it is, you should be acknowledging it, you should be celebrating it, no matter if that's just like go me, right? It's gonna tracking sometimes like just putting it in your tracker and really like noticing wow, if it's pounds, maybe you're tracking the pounds lost. And so for you, a big one pound here, one pound there makes no difference. But over time you notice, wow, one pound does add up, and I'm already at you know, pound eight loss versus before. So I just wanted to throw that in there because somehow it just slipped. I skipped over it, and this is an area that I don't want you to skip over because this is the most important is tracking your progress and celebrating your wins. All right, my friend, that's all for today's episode. I hope that this was helpful to you no matter what you're working on, no matter if you have some health and fitness goals, if you have personal achievement goals, if you have career goals, if you have education goals, whatever it is that you're working on, this episode is going to help you to stay consistent and to consistently make progress over time. If you know anyone that you think this would be helpful to, please share this episode with her and share this information so that she

Share Review Subscribe Closing

SPEAKER_00 30:42

can also be consistent with her goals. And again, don't forget, please leave me a review. That would mean so much to me and help the show in so many ways. So, again, thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you again next week. Take care. Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Pack of Valuable Tips and Insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.