Ep. 97 - Are Your Habits Supporting or Sabotaging You? Try this 4-Step Framework

Are your daily choices bringing you closer to how you actually want to feel—or are they leaving you stressed, fatigued, and overwhelmed? In this episode of the She Can Heal Podcast, host Keila dives into the honest truth about how sneaky daily habits in our morning and evening routines can sabotage our goals, health, and peace of mind.

Keila shares her personal story of resetting her own morning routine, along with a simple, actionable 4-Step Habit Alignment Framework (Audit, Align, Action, and Adjust) to help you stop complaining and start making sustainable changes that stick.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How common morning and evening "stress traps" deplete your energy and focus.
• Why willpower fails and how to use "micro-steps" to build lasting habits.
• A step-by-step process to align your daily choices with your core desired feelings.
• How to remove environmental temptations and celebrate small wins without self-judgment.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Hello and welcome to the She Can Heal Podcast, a podcast aimed at helping women heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am your host, Kayla El Dia. I'm a licensed therapist and a self-care advocate that is passionate about helping women take back their power and help them realize they're important, worthy, and deserve the care and attention they give to those they love most in their lives. This show is meant to help inspire you on your healing journey, no matter if you're in the discovery phase and are just realizing

Welcome And Podcast Purpose

SPEAKER_00 1:05

that you have unhealed wounds, habits, and mindsets that are keeping you stuck in your life, or you've been on this journey for a while and are looking for inspiration, encouragement, andor new tools to help you continue on your healing journey. My goal is to help you realize that you can heal from all that life has thrown at you and are capable of evolving into your healthiest and happiest version. On this show, I will provide you with resources, tools, and insights to help you heal and thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually, because you deserve all of that. So if you're ready to ditch the guilt and make yourself a priority, then you're in the right place. Because the truth is that you can't pour from an empty cup, even though most of us do this on a regular, and we really need to stop that nonsense. So get ready to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to truly thrive. Hello and welcome back to another episode on the She Can Heal Podcast. Today we're gonna be talking about our habits and routines and are they supporting or sabotaging what we truly want to feel? So again, it's asking yourself are the habits and the choices that I am making every single day supporting how I want to feel or how I want to show up in my life? Is it supporting your happiness, your energy, your health, your finances,

Habits That Support Or Sabotage

SPEAKER_00 2:29

right? The things that you truly want to have in life? Or are they creating stress, unhappiness, fatigue, right? So it's really understanding every single habit, every single choice that we make on a consistent basis every single day, right? Are either gonna get us closer to how we want to feel, or they're gonna get us farther, or they're gonna invite in what we don't want. Like I just said, stress, unhappiness, fatigue, right? All of those things that we don't want. For example, do you have a morning ritual that supports you having a great start to your day, or are you just getting out of bed and engaging in habits that are depleting you even before you get ready for the day? Here's an example. A morning routine that may create stress and tension could be waking up and scrolling on Facebook, drinking your coffee, and eating a sugary cereal or bagel. This routine sets your mindset to focus on everything else, right? The bad news of the day, what everyone else is doing, good or bad, checking your email, and you are already getting dragged into work, marketing emails and distractions. Having caffeine as soon as you wake up can create sluggish energy, mid-morning, and starting your day with a processed breakfast, such as cereal, bagel, or any other type of pastry is gonna give you a blood sugar spike that eventually is gonna create more hunger and less energy. And again, I'm not judging here because we all have all been there, right? I'm just making a point. This is why. Because this used to be me. Yes, I literally would wake up, I would lay in bed, watch the news, I'll have a cup of coffee with like a bagel or a muffin, I'll rush to take a shower and get ready to run out the house for work. I would have like no lunch prepared, and many times I was late for work and for clients, and it was just really embarrassing. And I just did not like that. It just did not work out, right? Because I was already waking up, not engaging in habits that are making me have energy and focus and be prepared and be on time. I wasn't doing any of those things, and so this actually set me up for this organized day. I was already stressed because I didn't give myself time to ease into my day. I didn't feel my body and my mind well, resulting in feeling just sluggish, unmotivated, and tired. And if you want a peaceful day, you want to have energy to do all the things you want and feel focused and prepared. This routine is not going to support that. Here's another example. It's in our evenings. Most people end their day with a glass of wine, scrolling on their phones, watching a documentary or some type of reality show, or create or eating a late night sugary snack, and then they don't go to bed until 12 a.m. If you're trying to live a healthier, energetic life, this routine will not support that. You are engaging in activities that are going to keep your mind wired, your nervous system is not calm, which is gonna affect the quality of your sleep, your mind isn't gonna be calm, and you will struggle to feel relaxed and ready to get a restful night's sleep. But a routine that includes less stimulation, so instead of watching TV or scrolling on your phone, you are engaging in a quiet evening activity. Some examples could be reading, drinking some like chamomile tea, stretching, journaling to just let your mind and your body decompress. And these activities are gonna help you to relax and help you to sleep faster, longer, and more restorative. Let's look at some other different examples. Let's look at an example about health. If someone wants to lose weight, they have to make different choices.

Morning Routine Stress Traps

SPEAKER_00 6:25

And yes, that means that they're gonna have to do things that are either hard or require some effort and commitment. But if the person continues to eat the same types of foods, continues to be inactive, she's not gonna get the results she wants, right? Because making no changes and engaging in habits that are not aligned with the goal equals not making any type of progress. So again, it's really like thinking about what is it that I truly want? Like, how do I want to show up in my life, in my day? It could be in your morning routine, it could be in your evening routine, and it could be in specific things that you truly want for yourself. Let's say you're working, you're trying to get financially better with your money, right? If someone wants to make more money, but they're not doing anything about finding a job that pays better or getting a second job or a side job or whatever it is to make more money, then guess what? They're not gonna get any better with that, right? So if the choice that they're making is they're staying in this low-paying job because they feel that it's gonna be too hard to make a move or to like look for another job, right? They're not updating their resume, they're not going on job search sites, they're not working on improving their skills or even like thinking about what are some things that I can do to make extra money, and they're just complaining that they don't make enough money. Guess what? That person is not gonna get better at making more money, they're gonna stay stuck there because guess what? Complaining gets you nowhere, right? So, again, it's looking at what is the result that I want, or how do I want to live in my life? How do I want to feel? What do I want? What do I want to create? Basically, how do I want to live in my life? And then, secondly, is saying, are the choices and the habits that I am engaging in, are they getting me closer or are they getting me farther? A lot of times it's really getting honest with yourself and saying, I want better, I really want to feel more energetic, I really want to leave this toxic place. Really, it's being honest with yourself and saying, like, I want different. And when we can be really honest with ourselves and say, I want different, then we can really acknowledge that in order to be different, to have different, I have to do different. I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over. And a lot of times it's a pattern that we get stuck in, right? We notice that we are feeling really depleted, we notice that we're feeling stressed out or we're feeling overwhelmed. And then we complain. Sometimes we do acknowledge, sometimes we complain. We're like, oh my god, I really need to get up earlier in the mornings because waking up 30 minutes before I have to leave is just not it, and I'm stressed out, but then you don't wake up earlier. Or if you are tired of feeling exhausted and fatigued or unhealthy, you say to yourself, I really need to start eating healthier. Like, I really need to start eating more fruits and vegetables, or I really need to start moving my body so that I can feel more energetic and my body can just feel better, but then I'm just gonna sit on the couch because I'm just tired, or I'm not gonna grab that meal. You know what? It's easier to just get some burger and fries than you are sabotaging yourself, right? One does not equal the other. All right, so you get the point here, right? And it is if you want to have more energy, what are the habits that I need to practice to feel more energized versus feeling depleted? If you want to be more financially secure, what habits do I need to practice to feel secure versus stressed out about money? If I want to feel peaceful, what habits do I need to practice to feel more peace in my life versus stress? If you want to travel, what habits do I need to practice to save more money versus spending on stuff that I really don't need? Right? And again, the idea is that if I want to feel different, I have to start doing different. You can't expect to have certain results doing the same old habits. This was something that I actually had to acknowledge for myself because one of my goals is I want to get to a healthier weight. And even though people around me say, Oh, you look great, like you don't need to lose weight, I know for me, I want to get to a weight that is more healthier for my body. I want to lower, you know, body fat. So again, I can feel better about my health, feel better in my body.

Evening Habits That Wreck Sleep

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And I had to get really honest with myself and say, no, this is not working because if you think about it, you're still doing the same habits. Although you might have made better choices with exercise and all that, nutrition-wise, you still are eating that high fat food, or you're not really tracking your calories and you are overeating, and that's why you're not losing weight. And so it's really like being honest with yourself and saying, like, this isn't working, not because there's something wrong with you or some mysterious thing. No, it's it has to do with your habits, it's what you're doing on a daily basis. It's are you doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result? And so once I started doing that, once I started being very like clear about that and really understanding like I can do this, I just have to make these changes consistently, is when I start to see some progress, is when I start to feel better about that. All right, so with all that being said, I hope you get the point that it's really the habits, the choices that we do every single day, no matter what you are trying to achieve, the person that you're trying to become, the life that you truly want to show up in, right? Again, I gave you a bunch of examples, but for you, it's really thinking about your life and saying to yourself, Yes, I can totally see that this is what's happening in my life. Maybe I am trying to be more healthy, or yes, I am trying to be better with my money, or maybe I am really trying to do better with my mental health, with my relationships, whatever it is. This can be applicable to everything because again, it's how you live your life. It's up to you to make the choices to live a life that is aligned with what you truly want and how you truly want to feel. And I'm gonna go next into how we can do this. So now that you have all this information, now that you understand this, right, where do we go from here? So if you want to feel different, you have to start doing different, right? It's what we're kind of talking about. So I'm gonna share with you a process to really just help you to take action on this. If you are a person who is saying to yourself after listening to this, yes, this is me. Like I truly need to do differently because I am not feeling good about whatever it is, right? Whatever part of your life it is. And to be honest, one of the reasons why I am talking about this on today's episode is because that is me. I realized that my morning routine wasn't what I really wanted it to be. I noticed that yes, I would wake up early and consistently I was doing certain things, but I really wanted to create a routine that I felt more aligned with. So instead of getting up, you know, having my water, drinking my coffee, and then maybe doing things that are gonna help me feel better, I was noticing that I was on on YouTube and watching just shores, and I used that as an excuse to say, I'm just waking up and I just need something to entertain my mind. But then I realized that what is that really doing for me? How is that really helping me to feel better in my mornings or in my day? And I realized it really wasn't. And I said to myself, you know what, Kayla, like if you want to feel or if you want to use your mornings for a specific reason. So, like for me, right now this summer, I am doing a hybrid schedule. So there's certain days that I'm working from home, and you know, I had all these plans. I said, Oh, this is a great opportunity for you to kind of, you know, use the morning time to really kind of come back to yourself and do some self-reflection and some deep work for yourself. And then I wasn't doing it right. And then you look at yourself, you're like, hello, didn't you say you were gonna do this thing? Didn't you say you're gonna change this up? And so part of the reason for this episode is because I myself need to do this work as well. I need to really work on some of my own habits, especially the morning. I really want to use that time to really reflect, to do some deep work, because that's the time where it's quiet. It's the time that I want to start my day doing that type of work. So that is why we're here. That is why, because me, myself, and I, yes, I need to do this too. Okay, so now we're ready to move on. So if you are ready to take those next steps, and okay,

Goals Need Matching Daily Choices

SPEAKER_00 15:17

what do we where do we go from now? Here it is. So I'm gonna share with you actually a four-step process. I know I said three, but there's also a four-step that I want to also include in here. And so we're gonna go through this four-step framework that's going to be designed to turn your self-awareness into daily practice without feeling that overwhelming feeling that we usually get. Okay, so step one is the alignment audit. So this is where you're gonna notice and name it. So before you make any changes, get clear on where your habits are out of sync with how you want to feel. So this is what you would do. I want you to pick one to two key areas of your life: energy, mood, morning, evening routine, nutrition, whatever that is for you. And then I want you to trace a typical 24 hours and identify your quote-unquote energy trainers. Those are the habits that leave you feeling sluggish, anxious, unfulfilled, stressed. Okay. And then I want you to ask yourself Does this habit bring me closer to feeling energized, healthier, whole, or does it leave me feeling drained or stressed? All right, so that's step one. We're gonna name and notice. Step two is you're gonna define your ideal feeling state. So instead of focusing solely on what you want to stop doing, shift your focus towards how you want to feel. For example, I want to feel more rested, more clear-headed, more vibrant, more present, more peaceful. All right, the action that you're gonna take is I want you to choose three core words that represent your ideal state for this season of your life. Use those words as your compass. So, in my example, I would probably use words like I want to feel more present, I want to feel more calm. And so those are the words, those are gonna be your core words that are gonna help you to really set that intention in. And then I want you to identify one habit that directly conflicts with those words and one new habit that directly feeds them. So, in my example, that would be going on YouTube in the morning. That's a habit that does not align with my word, which is calm and present. And then the habit that I would want to replace it with would be journaling. So instead of waking up and going straight onto YouTube, my goal is to wake up and pull out my journal and start doing my journaling practice. Okay, so let's move on to step number three, which is create a micro step action plan. And this step, we're not going to think about too big. We are going to think about ways that we can make it easy to implement. Why? Because when we make big changes, they rarely stick because it requires too much willpower. So the key to lasting change is to shrink the habit until it feels effortless. So I want you to take your target habit and break it down into a two-minute version or a micro yes. So for me, that would be again bringing out my journal and giving myself five minutes, right? It could just be that simple. It could just be taking out my journal and journal for five minutes so that I can get in the habit of that habit versus really trying to make big changes and saying I'm gonna journal for 20 minutes or I'm gonna do something that's just gonna feel too hard. And then you want to anchor this new micro action to something that you are already doing automatically. So for me, I'm already used to brewing my coffee. So it could be something like as my coffee is brewing, I'm gonna pull up my journal and my pen and I'm gonna put it on my desk and get it ready, right? So that way my journal's there ready for me. As soon as my coffee is done brewing, I'll bring it over and then I'll have my time to do my journaling practice versus going on YouTube and start going down this rabbit hole of shorts. Okay, so now we get into probably one of the most important steps, which is this is where we are gonna check in with ourselves. So step four is you're gonna track, you're gonna tweet, and you're gonna celebrate. So we have to remember that making any changes takes time, it takes consistency, and it takes patience. This is not a test that you're gonna pass or fail, but it's a system that you're trying to figure out. And the key is to invite in compassion and flexibility so that it can help keep the momentum going. So, what are you gonna do? You're gonna check in with yourself at the end of each week and you're gonna ask yourself quick questions. Number one, what worked well and what made me feel good? And number two, where did I hit friction and how can I simplify it for next week? And again, this is all about us identifying, checking in with ourselves, and really just monitoring what's working for us and what isn't working for us, and really identifying the good things, right? Us following through. And this is the part where you want to celebrate every little tiny win because success is what's gonna help you to keep the momentum going, it's gonna motivate you. We're not going to bring in self-criticism and saying, you know, getting upset at ourselves because we didn't do the thing, right? So for me, that would be at the end of the week, I can say, How did I do with my morning routine? How did I do with focusing only on what I really wanted to do, which is journaling versus being on YouTube? And what did I struggle with? So maybe it might have been, you know what, three days out of the week, I did really good. I really just focused on my journaling practice and I went for a walk. And maybe there was a day or two in between that I slipped up because the iPad was right there in front of me. And so maybe what I say to myself next is next week, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put my journals right there on the table where I can see them, and I'm gonna put the iPad away so that way the iPad is not there and it doesn't tempt me to go on there before I do the things that I really wanted to do. And why I think this is the most important step is because a lot of times we set intentions, we set things, and then we just forget about it. One of the most important things in making any type of progress on any type of our lives is having follow through, is saying to yourself, did I

Get Honest And Do Different

SPEAKER_00 22:10

follow through on the things that I said I would? And if I didn't, what got in my way? So that way I can tweak it, I can be flexible with myself and say, Listen, I'm human and I know that I didn't do this perfect. And so, what do I need to help myself? So, in my example, right, having the iPad there is like a dopamine like rush, right? Like the iPad there is just making my brain think, oh, I want to watch some videos and just get some entertainment. But if I take that iPad and I put it somewhere away, then it's not gonna tempt me to do it. And so instead, the journal is there, and I'm not gonna have that temptation to go on the iPad by having the journal there. I already know my mind is already focused that this is what I want to do, right? Um, and this could be applied to anything, so you know if you are trying. To be healthier, but you have unhealthy foods in the house. Guess what? That's gonna be too much temptation for you. So it might be, you know, put the healthy food away so that you don't see it exactly during the times when you know that this is the time where I usually turn to junk food. Maybe it's like right after work or it's at the night time or whatnot, and really like say to yourself, again, right? It's going back to the beginning. Like, how is this habit of having this junk food in the house really helping me to reach my goal or really helping me to stay on track with what I want to do? Because these are patterns that have been there for a long time, and sometimes we just need that extra help. If you're trying to be better with your finances, then you might have to think about, you know, having those marketing emails, having those text messages, or going certain places just because I'm bored, that is not going to help you to do better with your money, right? Because again, you're tempting yourself. If you love a specific store, like if you really love makeup or you really like something and you're constantly getting marketing messages on either your cell phone or on like your email, that's gonna be temptation. So you have to really say to yourself, I need to remove these temptations so that I can be better. And so now I'm not being tempted, I'm not being kind of encouraged to go ahead and spend that money and remind myself that this is my goal. My goal is I want to save money for this vacation next summer with the family. And in order to do that, I have to have a specific amount of money that I put into a savings account every month, and spending money on makeup or spending money on that store that I really, really like is not aligned with that. And so we have to really help ourselves. But again, you're not gonna know that if you're just gonna set it and forget it, right? Because then you realize, oh shoot, I did this thing, I wasn't supposed to do that because that's keeping me away from my goal. So, in my example, again, right, it's removing that that iPad from the table, removing that temptation and really putting what I really want, and then I get to be more successful at it, and at the end of the week, I can say, you know what, that worked because this week I didn't go on the iPad until much later in the day, right? And now I feel good about it. All right, my friends. So that is all for today's episode. But just to remind you, right, this is a framework that you could use to just change up your habits to really align yourself with how you want to show up in your life, in your day, for your goals. And that framework is number one, audit, spot the drainers, spot the habits, number two, align, name how you want to feel and how you want to show up in your day. Number three is action, pick one micro step and anchor it, sometimes pairing it with something you're already doing. And number four is adjust, review weekly with kindness, not judgment, and make whatever necessary adjustments or changes you need to do so that you can be successful. All right, my friend, that is all for today's episode. I truly hope that this was helpful to you. Again, the reason why I did this is because I myself need to do this, I need to be real. You know, sometimes you have to just like shake yourself up and say, hey, that this is not what you said you wanted to do. You said you wanted a peaceful morning routine, and that is not what you're doing. So we need to kind of do like a reset, right? And then identify specifically what is it that is stopping you from being aligned with what you really want? What is it that you can replace it with, right? Take that action, set it in stone, and then check in with yourself. So I hope that this was helpful to you. And don't forget to share this with a friend because sharing is caring, and I know we all have friends who are also needing to hear this so they can also show up in their lives in the ways that feel good to them. Okay, well, I will talk to you again next week. Take care.

Kayla’s Morning Routine Reset

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Thank you so much for joining this conversation today. I hope this episode was helpful to you on your healing journey. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode packed with valuable tips and insights designed to empower you. If you found value in this episode, I'd be so grateful if you left me a review wherever you're listening from and share your thoughts and feedback. This really helps me to reach more women just like you. Thanks for listening.